Finding Lily
by miss drew
Summary: James hasn't seen Lily in three years, ever since her disappearance after the attack in Hogwarts. Everyone always told him to give up, she wasn't alive but something told him otherwise. He returns to London when a stranger enters his life..
1. Prologue

Prologue-

Not many people know the story from the beginning, the people who've heard the story don't know the full story, they're not even sure if it's true or not. I know otherwise. They don't know what I know.

All they heard were rumors and formed their own story but I was there from the beginning to end and could recall a scene in a snap of a finger. I sometimes pretend like I'm one of those misled people, who've only heard rumors and I'm ashamed to say I've agreed to the misguidance myself.

You can't escape what happens to you. Or the people around you. I had to learn that the hard way.

Under my bed in a box I have all the warnings from the Ministry of Magic to stop using the time traveler but love makes you believe, it makes you keep trying and love, like the s-o-b that it is, doesn't let you forget.

She was perfect and ambitious, I mean this girl was really going somewhere. I could tell from the moment I first met her when I was eleven. The way she pushed her way to sit in the front row, the way she negotiated to have her way, her great decision making skills--I don't even know why she even thought to befriend an idiot like myself.

I wasn't going to go anywhere, I was going to hit rock bottom. I was failing everything, I didn't know what I wanted to do. I wasn't even sure what was keeping me in Hogwarts. All I wanted to ever do was play Quidditch. That was my dream, my ambition. Lily didn't believe in dreams, she said they were for people who weren't going to do anything. She said you could have anything in your dreams but that's why their dreams. You have to make things happen, she said, you can't dream them.

I met her thanks to Professor Flitwik, Merlin bless him, I was failing Charms. He suggested for me to find a tutor. I remember replying coyly to him that if I knew anyone smart I wouldn't in fact be failing because I would have already mooched off their work. I was a bloody wanker back then.

I remember seeing her from a distance and groaning. I didn't want to have _**her **_as a tutor. No one in their right mind would want her. She was like a creature from another planet. She was like bloody brainy and an ego almost in comparison of mine. Too much pride was in her. She wasn't going to put up with my slack, she took one look at me and she said, without even a hello, 'You better take this serious Potter, or I'm not going to waste another second with your sorry arse.' And like an idiot I replied, 'Good evening to you too Miss Evans.' Despite our differences she took kindness in me and she didn't just help me with Charms, with everything. She was like my secret confidant. She got me through my years of Hogwarts.

People started to notice our friendship, they notice how I acted my best when she was present. I don't even know why, I just didn't want her to be disapointed in me or make up her mind and decide I was everything she assumed I was and just drop my friendship like a fly.

It wasn't until fifth year when Lily went out with my friend Remus that I started to understand the feelings I felt for her. At first I called them 'older brother feelings' the way boys act when their friends flirt with their little sisters. I grew annoyed seeing his arm around her or when they playfully flirted with each other. I grew so tired of them I started to avoid meals and room appearances. Sirius would bring me food, like a mate he didn't ask questions. He asked once and I brought up the 'older brother feelings' and that was it. He didn't pester me with anymore thoughts of his.

I even stopped going to tutoring with Lily, she even dragged Remus to those too. You can imagine the annoyance I felt. My grades were slipping again. I was even preforming bad in Quidditch. I couldn't handle it anymore. Why was I letting this girl get to me? Because I was falling in love with her and I didn't even know it.

Of course Lily wasn't an idiot and she knew that something was wrong between us. We weren't as close as we used to be. She cornered me when I was going to my room and she followed me up.

I remember the conversation perfectly.

'James, stop walking, I'm talking to you. James, stop, will you listen? Stop!'

'Yes?'

'Whats wrong? Tell me.'

'Nothings wrong, why would there be something wrong?'

'Well for one thing, you haven't been the same. You haven't showed up to lessons and you're grades--you were one of the top students. I mean James, talk to me.'

'I've been struggling thats all.'

'No, thats not it. You know it.'

'Lily, I'm tired. I have a test-'

'You are so stubborn, if you want to keep being like that fine. Go ahead. I won't wait for you forever James.'

Like an idiot I walked into my room and closed the door, I don't know how long she stayed out there. I know she didn't go down the stairs right away. I felt like a jerk. If it had been now I would have rushed to go talk to her but I made my choices. Sucky as they were.

The rest of fifth year it continued like that. I didn't speak to her much, I went to dinners and did fairly well in my classes. My frienship with Lily had been damaged that year. I should have fixed it right away but I didn't.

We both grew out of eachother, we didn't need each other as much as we used to. Even if she wasn't with Remus anymore. She had her friends. I had mine. We were different and thats how it continued for sixth year too.

That is until seventh year began. I remember her coming in the train, bags under her eyes and her skin was so pale that she almost looked dead. I just stared at her walk her way over. She looked so fragile like if you were to have held her she would have broken. She couldn't bring her big green eyes to stare into mine. She looked down, she wasn't the determined Lily. She was broken. Her eyes shed sadness that I've never seen her with before.

I remember saying hello to her and she didn't respond back. She acted like she didn't even hear me.

I later heard from her friends (Ash, Star and Ava) that her parents were killed in Diagon Alley. There had been an attack and Death Eaters tortured her parents to death. She had been living with her sister Petunia who blamed her for their death and starved Lily frequently and kept her in an empty room with nothing but few clothings and her Hogwart things. She had ran away from home to come back and she wasn't planning on returning.

'Lily, how are you?'

'Quite fine James, how about you?'

'I'm alright, I'm excited for the upcoming quidditch games.'

'Thats good. Something to look forward to, I suppose with all these infortunes, people need that.'

'I guess. Listen, I've got great news. My mum works in the ministry and they have a job offering for you when schools over. As a secretary until, you know, you want to.'

'You'd realy do that for me? I mean- I don't want any pity work. In fact, I rather not... Tell your folks, thanks but no thanks.'

'It's not pity work, I promise. And also I wanted to ask, I haven't been doing very well in my studies and well I was hoping you could help me...I made Head Boy.'

She gave me a big smile and you won't guess what she did next, she hugged me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and a scent of vanilla esaped her red hair.

The year went by like sixth and fifth never happened. I met a few girls and I even think I almost fell in love once but something always tugged in the back of my thoughts and it made me pull away. Lily went out a couple of times with a Hufflepuff and one was a fellow quidditch mate but it never last as long as Remus did and I was grateful.

Lily trusted me more than anyone else she knew, I kept all her secrets and fears and she kept mine. When she was sick she would lay in my bed and I would bring her a soup, buggers like us men weren't allowed in the ladies dormitories. I was so far in the friend zone I was made king of it. I was King James, the Best Friend.

The Voldemort attacks were growing stronger, fires were erupting all over the Ministry of Magic. You couldn't trust anyone. You weren't even sure if the Ministry was safe. The days were now covered in smog and fear of the coming events. We weren't allowed to go to Hogsmeade and we weren't allowed to go out of the castle.

My mum had sent me a letter saying that at the end of term she was taking me to Paris, claiming that London wasn't safe for Potters anymore. We were to leave as soon as possible.

There was only two months left of term. Lilys birthday was coming up, I had to break it to her by then.

She cried and hugged me. She felt so weak in my arms, not the Lily I first met. She had gone through so much. She was so much more stronger than this, why couldn't she just held her head up high and not shed a tear but instead she let me feel bloody awful.

I had given her a necklace, it said 'Together In Paris' with an emerald stone in it. It was a key to a music box I had made with Professor Flitwik and it sang a cheerful sleepy tune that my mum used to make me fall asleep. I told her to come with me right off the bat but she said she wanted to make extra money and work in the Ministry for a month and then she'd go find me. Sirius who was living with me at the time was more then happy to go to Paris. Remus gave us sad glances, he had to stay in London with his sickly mother.

My mother had contacted people and then arranged for Remus and his family to be shipped to Paris as well. Everything was going to plan.

That was until that attack was in Hogwarts. Something had hit the Astronomy Tower.

'Gryffindore! Head to the train station, grab only your precious belongings and no more than you can carry!' I had to yell to everyone. I ran to my room and only grabbed my invisibility cloak and a fews pocket worthy items. Sirius and Remus grabbed their wands and their own carryons and they left the room. I told them to wait for me there.

I ran into the girls dormitorys, a cluster of girls were moving in panic. Lily was searching around for something under her bed.

There was another burst, it seemed like they hit the quidditch feild.

'Lily, let's go! It's getting too risky!'

'My music box James, it's under the bed...just let me get it and we'll go.'

'Here, let me.' I reached my hand under and put it in my pocket. 'I'll give it to you when we're settled, now let's go.'

I grabbed her hand and ran out of the dormitory. Students were clustering over each other and blocking passways.

'Here, I know...' I said running to a secret stairway the teachers kept so they can get to students asap.

Trains were coming in and out that day like wild bludgers, you just had to jump on.

'C'mon James, that's our train.'

I held her hand and ran for the train, I was a quick and speedy runner and was able to grab on to the train.

'James!' Lily cried. I held her hand tightly and pleaded her to jump. 'I can't...don't let go, please...'

'Jump Lily!'

My hand slipped from hers and she fell back and all I saw was her hitting her heads backwards.

'LILY!' I remember crying. I tried to jump off to get her. They held me back until it was too late, we were far from Hogwarts. I stayed in the exact spot. I was in denial and shock over the past events. Tears singed through my eyes. I couldn't beleive what had just occured, I couldn't.

I looked for her when the trains came to a stop but I couldn't find her. My mum was already there waiting for me. She and Sirius pratically forced me into the next train that went to Paris.

That was the last time that I saw Lily Evans, three years have passed since my last year in Hogwarts. I know shes out there, looking for me, like I'm looking for her.


	2. Meeting On The Train

Chapter One Meeting On A Train

"What is your name Miss?" asked a boy, around her age, politely. He was marking names in a little yellow pamphlet in a bright blue wizards robe.

"Flower." She replied blushing from her roots.

He looked back up at her, "Is there a last name for that Miss?"

She gave him a little nervous smile, "Well...I s'pose there might be one to it but I don't remember it. Sorry."

The boy sighed impatiently, "Well Miss, why don't you just give me a name please. You can deal with that when your settled."

She glared at him and thought really hard, Mrs. Cunningham had never thought of a last name for her, "Potter. Go with that." She had no idea where that had come from.

She always thought about that name, it sounded so magical and familiar. Potter. Flower Potter. It had a nice ring to it.

Flower wasn't even her name either. She was given that name when they found her.

She was claimed at St. Mungos when no one else did, from a lady who owned an orphan down in Wells, England. She only stayed there a year though. She was seventeen when she was found, and the rule was you left at eighteen. Flower was twenty now.

'So, how did you end up at the hospital?' questioned Mrs. Cunningham.

'I-I don't remember,' she replied, looking down.

'Right, so what is your name?' She asked again.

She shrugged, 'Look, I woke up a week ago and I don't remember how I got there and I don't remember anything, I'm sorry. But, if it helps I do know my name was a flowers.'

'So it's settled,' she rang impatiently. 'It's Flower.'

Flower sat in the seat still, she was waiting for what the boy might say next. She was trying to buy a ticket to London. She hadn't learned how to apparate, they don't teach that sort of things at the orphanage.

Mrs. Cunningham always snapped at her and asked how could she remember all this magic but she couldn't remember her name. She s'posed magic is just the sort of thing that stays with you like the ability to talk, you're born with it and a name is just given to you after a while when you're born.

"Well, Miss, here you go. Have a nice trip?" The boy handed over a ticket and she excused herself.

"So do you have your ticket Flower?" asked Heather, her friend from the orphan.

Flower nodded, putting her red hair in a pony tail, "I'm all set to leave tomorrow. I hope I can actually make it to the train this time."

Heather snorted, "Normal People have fears of spiders or heights but you have a fear of trains, that's strange Flower dear."

Flower gave her a sheepish grin, "Well, Heather, if you haven't noticed yet, I'm not exactly normal."

"I'll drink to that." Heather said putting on her coat. "So, you're really leaving tomorrow, huh?"

"If I don't faint when I see the train, then yes, I expect I will leave."

"Well, if everything doesn't go your way and you don't find anything. You come back, all right." Heather said embracing her friend.

She hoped with all her might that something in London will help her find a way. She clutched the necklace on her. Heather noticed that and then said very quickly, "You're not going to France, right?"

"Of course not." She lied, looking away. "I have nothing there, I mean if I ended up in an orphanage is because the people who gave me this necklace didn't want me."

Heather gave a satisfied smile, "Good, and you know that girls don't shave in France,"

They burst out in giggles.

That wasn't Flower though at all, she didn't have enough money to go to France so she was going to go to London to learn how to apparate. She figured her family couldn't find her.

"What are you thinking about?" questioned Heather curiously.

Flower looked down at her and smiled, "Nothing."

"So you never saw her again?" questioned James' new shrink.

"Nope. My fault really, I haven't gone back to actually look for her."

James replied sadly, he looked out the window. He had been there for a while now.

"Do you blame yourself for what happened?" Professor Jacque asked in a rich French accent.

James scoffed, "Who wouldn't blame me? If I hadn't let go of her hand, everything would have been fine. If I would have jumped off after her right away, she would have been fine. If-"

"Mr. Potter, your problem isn't mentally and there clearly isn't something medically wrong with you. You are facing what most human beings face when they lose someone special." He paused and rubbed his temple. "You are holding on to the past. I am not telling you to forget this person, because she was part of your life but maybe you just need to the face the facts. You didn't jump off and you didn't hold on. What's done is done. You'd think all those warrants would have told you already."

James shook his head, "She's alive Professor. I've kept in touch with the London Wizardry Press and there has never been an article about her dead and they would have written one, believe me. All they did was set a missing person ad and that's it. She's alive."

He set his eyes on James, "If she was missing, don't you think that they would have found her James?"

James didn't reply, he just laid there, without emotion.

"Our session is over James, I'll see you another day. But for now, please rest and just be grateful for what you have."

James didn't excuse himself, he got up and left. He placed his coat on and walked toward his house. He walked towards an empty street, where a door was well hidden behind bushes.

"Marie, love, are you home?" James questioned, he might have been home but his mind was else where.

A brunette peaked over a couch, her eyes were small and narrowed, "How did it go?"

James shrugged, "He's the same as the other shrinks. I don't think he'll do anything for me."

She groaned, "That's what you always say! Maybe if you stuck around him some more, it can actually do something."

James shook his head frustrated, "You make it seem like I'm mentally ill or retarded or something. I'm not."

Marie scoffed and threw her arms up, "You're not the one who's woken up by your constant muttering."

James glared at her, "You always kick in your sleep, it doesn't mean I'm going to call you retarded."

Marie blushed crimson, "Do whatever you want James, my say never matters to you anyway."

James rolled his eyes. He met Marie at this French class, he sat next to her. She was the only girl who was as lost as he was. They've been seeing each other for four months now and to him, she had been becoming too clingy and pushy.

If only he could get out. This life wasn't his. He belonged to someone else, his heart was with another. If only he could find her.

"What do you want to do tonight?" Marie asked.

"I don't know. I'm going to go for a walk," James muttered. He grabbed his coat once again, then walked out the door. He didn't even bother to listen to what Marie had to say about it.

Mulling his thoughts over in his head James silently ambled his way to the park only a few blocks away from where he and Marie lived. More and more of late had he taken to the park benches to cool his foul mood after coming home from psychiatrists, only to be disappointed that none could help him.

Maybe he should just give up, give in, and just move on. Marry Marie and live with the fact that he lost his best friend. He shook his head. He couldn't, he just couldn't.

Flower walked to the train in ratty jeans with a green cloak, she felt driblets of sweat roll down her head.

"Ticket?"

"Here." she murmured silently.

"Flower Potter?" he questioned to himself, she nodded, "I knew a Potter. James Potter. Any relation?"

Flower thought hard, it sounded so familiar, but remembering things gave her a head ache, "I'm sorry, no, but I'll ask my aunt anyway. She might tell me."

"You look awfully familiar, have I met you before?" he continued, ignoring her answer.

"Probably, but I don't remember." She said getting very uncomfortable.

The boy kept peering at her and then returned her ticket, "Have an enjoyably trip Miss and hopefully we can talk later."

Flower gave him a polite smile and went to the farthest room in the train, the only empty one; and as soon as she sat down she closed the window.

It felt like forever had passed by when she saw a head peak in through the door.

It was the ticket boy again.

"Hi, I wanted to know if we could talk, I'm sort of bored." He gave her a sheepish grin.

"Ummm...well...sure..." Flower answered indecisive, she never really met anyone that forward and she enjoyed it.

"Did you go to Hogwarts?" he asked as he sat down.

Flower rubbed her neck, she felt her face grow hot, "I probably did, since I'm British but...I don't remember."

"I'm confused..." the boy started saying.

"I was found in the hospital, I must have hit my head pretty bad because I don't remember anything up to when I was seventeen." Flower explained slowly.

"That must have been tough..." the boy nodded. "How did your family cope?"

Flower shrugged, "I've never met them, they didn't come for me. I don't think I even have a family, to tell you the truth. I lived in the orphanage in Wells for a year and then my friend and I traveled to the downtown of town and lived there."

"You are one interesting person to know, Miss Potter," he said smirking.

"Flower, please," she smiled at him warmly.

"I need to smoke a fag, do you mind?" he walked over to open the window.

"No." she said too quickly. She looked away from the window as he smoked. She closed her eyes momentarily.

"Okay all done." He said moments later. "I'm sorry, gross habit."

She smiled at him, "So tell me something about yourself."

The boy thought, "I went to Hogwarts, then after that I went to France for a year but my mum was missing my father so we had to come back. I haven't seen my Hogwarts friends in two and a half years, and one of them lives here in England. London."

"You've been to France!" Flower said excitedly. "How is it? Is it beautiful?"

"Its all right." He nodded smiling.

"I've always wanted to go." She blurted out.

"Why?" He asked curiously.

She gave him a weak shrug. "Who wouldn't want to go?"

"Well, lovely talking to you Flower, but the train is almost coming to an end."

Flower looked at him, "Wait, what's your name?"

He smiled, "How rude of me, Remus Lupin."

"Remus..." she suddenly felt a very thick head ache come on.

"I'll talk to you later."


	3. Free Drinks

Chapter Two Free Drinks

Remus watched the brunette walk out of the train in a hurry, he observed the way she walked. Chin up, determined. He smirked to the side as he felt his eyes drop to her hips. He turned his head and left without announcing.

The girl was very familiar, he thought to himself. He admitted that she looked very similar to somebody he once knew but he let that thought slide because that girl he met had brown hair and brown eyes, the girl he thought of was different.

He apparated to Sirius' house at once.

The air was misty and cool, it seemed like no one was home and the house looked musky and abandoned.

He wrapped his hands inside his pocket, he could practically build an icicle with his breath.

"Sirius?" he called out, not moving from his spot.

"What are you doing out here?" said a voice from behind him. Remus let out a jump and took his wand out. "Don't wet yourself Moony, it's just me."

"Well, you think you'd have the decency to present yourselff before jumping out of the shadows, thank you very much Ava."

She gave him a pat on the back, "Best be getting inside old man, it's getting too dark to even see."

Remus ran a hand through his hair, "I'm not that old, please."  
She smirked.

"Sirius, Remmy is here." Ava said taking her hood off, she was dressed in a black silky wizard robe. She had just returned from her work, she was working in an old cauldrons shop in Knockturn Alley.

Sirius peaked out from the top of a long black spirally staircase, "Moony, one minute. Holly is awake, don't worry won't be long."

"I can see Mrs. Potter is still here." Remus noted. "So Ava, I haven't seen you in a while, how's it going?"

"Pretty good, I'm living with Sirius at the moment. We were missing you last month at this Quidditch Game."

Remus gave her a suspicious look, "You and Sirius, together?"

She laughed, "No, just housemates." She looked up towards Sirius. "He makes it seem like he saw you yesterday."

"Well, Sirius, he's not really an emotional bloke. He likes to hide them so he can seem superior."

"What are we all talking about?" Sirius said smiling, bringing a kettle of tea down.

"Nothing," Remus said smiling. "So mate, long time no see."

"I know, you should have owled that you were coming. Really out of the blue." Sirius said pouring tea in cups for us.

"Well, the reason I came is because I thought I saw Lily today." Remus said in a small whisper.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Everyone claims they see Lily, Moony."

Remus shook his head, "No, this girl was so close to the real thing. It's only been three and a half years Padfoot, I think I would remember Lily. This girl had short brown hair though."

Sirius shook his head, he was growing impatient, "You didn't see her mate, just forget about it. I don't want to hear it. I am tired of people telling me they saw her, they think that we're just going to jump up and pay them or something. If the ministry of magic couldn't find her, what makes you think you did?"

Remus shrugged, reddening, "She didn't claim she was Lily, she actually lost her memory-"

"So you just assume she's Lily?" Sirius barked at him.

Ava saw danger ahead, "Could we change the subject, please?"

Sirius shot her a look, "Do not owl James and tell him any of this; the poor bloke has enough problems than to deal with your bad sight."

Ava nodded, "He's right. We haven't seen him in so long and he has enough problems with his mum and his life--just don't do anything stupid."

Remus nodded, "I'm sorry. Just forget I ever mentioned it."

A month passed by...

"Hi, my name is Flower, and I'll be your waitress today. Can I take your order?"

"Hi, can I take two blueberry bursts. Virgin. With cherries on the side. Keep it nice and cold, but with no ice." Ordered two blondes sitting on a table. "Wait a minute; Carousel, should we order for the guys?"

The other blonde said in a high demanding voice, "Well, we'll take two butterbeers."

"Thank you." Flower said jotting it down.

She walked away from them and entered the kitchen and hung up their order, "Frankie, what am I doing here?"

"I've told you several times already."

She moaned tired, "Tell me again."

"You failed your apparation exam." He sighed putting fruits in the blender. "Three times."

Flowers moaned yet again.

"Tell me," Frankie asked," how does one fail their apparation test "You choke up and end up apparating ten feet from where you where originally standing."

Frankie handed the order of drinks, shaking his head, "Pitiful."

"Don't remind me," she groaned. She looked out the window and observed the two blondes sitting down. "I bet they didn't fail their apparation test."

Frankie rolled his eyes and poured the drinks out, using his wand, "Well, look at them. They look like they had 'daddy' pay the people to let them pass."

Flower humped again, "Pass me the drinks Frankie."

She grabbed the drinks and headed over to their table, "Here's your order. Sorry if it took too long."

The blonde on the right took a sip of her drink and squealed, "This totally had ice on it, I specifically said **no **Ice. What are you trying to poison me?"

Flower sighed, "Actually, that's the quality of good magic. It feels like there's ice in it but there really isn't."

The one named Carousel gave her the nastiest look ever, "Are you trying to call her stupid? I think she would know if there was ice in it or not!"

"I guarantee you, there was no ice." Flower said again, patiently.

"Hey ladies," said a voice from behind. Carousel's eyes immediately lit up.

"Hi Remmy," she said patting a spot next to him. "We ordered butterbeers for you guys, since we didn't know what you wanted."

"Talking about butterbeers, where are they?" demanded the other one.

Flower sighed, "They are in their way. Should I bring you menu's?"

"That would be smart, wouldn't it?" snapped Carousel.

Flower left to the back to get their drinks and menus.

"Here you go, sorry." Flower smiled at them and looked at the two new people.

One was tall and buff looking, he also looked kind of restless like he didn't want to be here. He had light blue eyes with very dark brown hair. He wasn't looking at her, instead he gazed down as if daydreaming.

The other one was staring at Flower, boring his eyes into her. She could feel her white skin heat up. He had speckled light brown hair that hung over his eyes, that seemed a light gray. He was much scrawnier looking than the other one.

He must have noted her blush because he then said, "You were the girl at the train, weren't you? Flower?"

Flower looked at him closely, "Oh, hey. I didn't recognize you."  
"You know her?" questioned the other girl, making a face.

"Oh, yeah, we go way back. Right, Flower?" he said smirking at her. She giggled and nodded.

The other boy started to give interest in who Remus was paying attention to. His eyes started looking at her, like he too, knew her.

"Well, I'm Flower and I'll be your waitress for today. Here are your menu's. Please ring when your ready."

As soon as Flower was out of ear shot, Carousel smacked Remus on the shoulder "What were you doing that for?"

"Do what for?"

"You were flirting with that waitress!"

"Nah, Care. You're just seeing things."

Carousel huffed as she glared at Flower's back as she walked away and picked up a menu as soon as she was out of sight.

"What is everyone ordering?" Remus asked looking about the table.  
Sirius shrugged still looking down at the table and said whatever Remus ordered was fine with him, as did the others.

Remus sighed ringing the little bell that was on their table.

"Ugh...they're intolerable! I can't go back out there! I only have so much patience." Flower said crossing her arms. She peaked out the kitchen. "You go do it."

Frankie wiped a plate and looked up, "You need the money. Your rent is almost due, isn't it?"

She groaned, "Yeah, it is. All right, here I go." She grabbed her wand and a piece of paper. She put her brown hair up in a ponytail and went out the door.

"Ready?" Flower said, smiling broadly at them.

"Yes, we'll all have steaks. Well, done. With a side order of salad." Remus said smiling at her. "And throw in an apple pie for yourself."

Flower felt her face heat up again, she hated blushing, "It's all right, I already had my lunch."

Carousels eyes lit up with fire, "We'll have the exact same thing except no meat. We're vegetarians."

Flower smiled, "That's nice, so am I."

The girl sitting next to Carousel, who Flower heard her name being said Winnie, drawled, "_We're_ vegetarian because of health reasons. Are you also because of that reason or is it because you'd become a cannibal?"

"Pardon?" Flower asked confused but still very angry.

Winnie smiled in delight and said once more, "Well, when a cow eats a cow, that's cannibalism and that's how it would be in your case."

"Winnie!" squealed Carousel giggling.

Remus shot them both dead stares.

Flower summoned a drink with her wand, "That joke was just so funny, here let me get you something for it. Don't worry, it's on me." She then poured a giant cup of water on both of them.

Remus and the boy next to him snorted.

"You are so going to be fired for this!" Carousel yelled pointing a finger at her.

"Don't worry, I quit!" Flower said, she had enough. She threw down her towel, metaphorically speaking. She marched out the restaurant waving adios to Frankie.

"That was the girl I saw in the train!" Remus hissed at Sirius when they were alone, back in Sirius' house.

Sirius carried a tea kettle to the washer with his wand, he sighed, "She did resemble her."

Remus scoffed, "Didn't you see that? It _was _Her!"

Sirius shook his head, "It's not."

"How do you know?" Remus persisted.

"Look Moony," Sirius didn't seem to find the right words for what he was trying to say, "don't be naive. I would love it as much as the next person if Lily would come back; but you don't expect me to believe some girl with brown hair and brown eyes is Lily?"

Remus sighed, "She poured drinks on those girls the same way she poured them on us! Lily was known for pouring drinks when she was mad! That has to be her!"

"Who does?" said a voice from behind them.

**A/N-Too short? Too long? Too soon? Comment! NO FLAMING! CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM! Thank you for the commenters!**


	4. Memories Askew

Chapter Three Memories Askew

"James!" Remus yelped. "You're here! You should have owled!"  
"What is it with people and showing up unannounced..." muttered Sirius to himself.  
James stared at them darkly and paused before he answered, "I was in town and thought I'd come to visit my mum and Sirius; I didn't expect to see you here Moony, nor did I expect to overhear this conversation."  
"What conversation Prongs?" Sirius said proudly.  
James temper was rising inside of him; he moved his jet black hair away from his eyes, "Do not play stupid. Where did you see her?"  
"Who?" insisted Sirius.  
"You think she's dead..." James muttered out loud.  
"Who?" he insisted yet again.  
"God damn it, you know well who! Lily!" James yelled, his temper finally getting the best of him.  
Sirius shook his head, "Let's not start this off like this, why don't we go get something to eat or something?"  
James shook his head, "No, no I can't."  
"People don't just walk back into your life like that," Sirius muttered.  
"Well, I just did that. You didn't expect me home."  
"Where's Marie?" Remus asked, attempting to change the subject.  
James looked away and gave a nonchalant shrug, he sat back in a worn, grubby couch, and "I had to get out of there. It's strange, really."  
"What is?" Remus replied back, shifting his weight.  
"How a memory of one person can change things." James covered his face with his hand. "I've gone to three shrinks in the past three months. Things were going all right for me, I was-or I mean-I've been seeing this one girl for almost one and a half years, I practically forgot her until these past recent months. I've gotten dreams, flashbacks--it's horrible."  
Sirius summoned tea and a new candle, light was running low.  
"And then, I come here and there's still talk of her..." he stopped and looked up. "That has to be a sign that she's alive."  
Sirius shook his head, "Coincidence."  
"Don't be stubborn, have hope." James said to him, getting up. "I'll be back. I'm off to see my mother. Where is she?"  
"Upstairs, second corridor-to your left." Sirius instructed, when James was out of earshot he then hissed over to Remus, "Mention that bloody Flower and I'll blow you off the ground so far that you'll be seeing a whole lot more of a full moon."

Flower stayed still on her less-than-cozy bed; she could feel the springs on her back. She felt embarrassed for herself for throwing the drink on that **person**. She needed that money, now she had to go find a new job.  
Job hunting is a very risky business, Flower was a bit of a smooth talker so she usually got very handy jobs and she was very determined so she usually made a very good first impression.  
She grabbed a quill and a piece of parchment and wrote:

**  
Heather,   
This really isn't going the way I planned it would, but don't expect me to go back any time soon. Do you mind coming to visit me for a short time?  
-Flower**

**  
**  
She tied the letter on her barn owl, recently adopted named Stag, and watched him sail his way across houses and trees.

She put on jeans and a nice black warm robe over; it had been snowing so she cast a spell over the robe to keep it nice and warm.  
"How's job hunting?" questioned Frankie, as she stopped by to pick up her last pay check. She shot him a 'don't-even-ask' sort of look. "That bad, okay well I know somebody who can get you a job in the ministry."  
"With no ministry job experience?" questioned Flower skeptically.  
"Well, he's looking for a secretary." He added. "His name is Sirius Black, he has something to do with wizard sports and the daily prophet, I don't know. The bloke is sort of a mystery."  
"He sounds familiar..." Flower thought, a vision of a large shaggy dog came to mind, so did the scent of peppermint.  
"Well, you did pour a drink on his date and her friend." Frankie said laughing.  
"That was him!" Flower felt her face blush. "I can't go to him for a job now! He'll mock me!"  
"Everyone and their Mum already mock you, love." He teased.  
"Shut up Frankie, you are _so_ not helping."  
"So are you going to take it?"  
Flower shrugged, "Might as well, since I need a job and everything..."  
"Do you need his address? He works at home most of the time ... weird right?"  
"Why don't you talk to him and set up a meeting with him and tell me when it is?"  
"Yah, I guess I could do that for you."  
"Don't guess, just do."

James stood in front of the maple, honey brown, door. He stood watching it, as if it was going to move itself. He hadn't seen his mum in quite some time now and he was too afraid to face her. He remembered back when he was in Hogwarts, his mum was like a pinup model. She looked just as beautiful as a step-ford wife. She had jet-black hair, like James, in long curly ringlets by her neck with swayed bangs over her right eye; she had pale skin, flawless, with small cherry lips and dazzling blue eyes. His mum was special to him, they were very close.  
He closed his eyes, he didn't want to remember her the way he was going to see her now, he wanted to remember the step-ford wife, not the sickly one.  
He backed away from the door and headed back into what was his old room and locked the door. He knew his mum knew he was here; he just didn't seem to care.  
Everything was just wrong. Nothing was like it was supposed to be. He was supposed to have already gotten over Lily, to be living happily ever-after  
with Marie, and his best friends **_weren't_** supposed to be talking about Lily. Everything was just wrong.  
James sighed as he flopped down on what once was his bed. Things just **_had_** to pop up again didn't they? The Fates just weren't content on him living his life as normally as possible; they had to make it constant misery for their own sick pleasure.  
Maybe Marie was right, he was a little off his rocker.  
He pulled a silver box out of his pocket and stared into it, the blue sapphires shone off it like little blue flashlights. It was the music box.  
Years it has been since he last listened to the tune inside, Lily had the key to it around her neck...where ever she was. James swallowed, closing his eyes.

**_"Sirius is doing what?" James bellowed in outrage. Peter looked down and shrugged. _Serves him right_, James secretly thought. _If he wasn't such a damn wanker, it wouldn't have to be so bad for him. _  
"I-I-I tried to stop him Prongs, but you know Padfoot... he won't listen to me," Peter swallowed, his chin bouncing as he spoke.  
"Serves Severus' right, I mean that wanker is so damn nosy." James huffed and went back to his book, he heard Peter let a sigh of relief. He looked up and saw Lily staring at him, shaking her head. She knew.  
Her green eyes were narrowed at him, she looked disgusted with him. He blushed and looked away.  
He looked towards Peter, "Where is he?"_**

_  
_  
"Where is he Sirius?" Marie said to him in a tense voice. "He hasn't even owled!"  
"He's been going through things right now, flashbacks..." Sirius sighed patiently.  
"Oh dear Merlin!" panic running through her shrilly voice. "He's going to end up like his mother!"  
Sirius narrowed his eyes at her and said slowly but thickly, "Don't refer to her like that." He treated James mother as if it was his mother.  
Marie shook it off, "You need to get him help, take him some place... I was doing so well persuading him to search for help when he was with me... I can't bear to see him locked up."  
"This is a phase, not a sickness; he went through it when we first moved to Paris after Hogwarts. He's fine. Just give him time." Sirius said in a mellow voice.  
"Sure, but when you see him locked up--"  
"Actually Marie, I came just to pick up his stuff. He decided to stay a few days longer then he thought he would need." Sirius snapped at her.  
Her eyes blazed, "His _stuff_ isn't going anywhere and neither is he. You better get him help soon because if I end up getting him help, mark my words, you won't be seeing James. Ever."  
"If anything, James isn't the crazy one. You are." Sirius said in a slow harsh tone.  
"What's making him behave this way is his past but if I can erase it then we can start a new life without any of you to shift it!" she screeched.  
"You can't change the past, Marie, nor can you change James."  
"Watch me."


	5. Shopping With Sirius and Remus

Chapter Four Shopping with Sirius and Remus

Sirius stared down at the empty piece of parchment; he held a quill between his teeth. He was stuck; he didn't know what to write. He stared transfixed, memories rushing in and out.

**_"You stupid prat! That was the last piece of candy I had and you fed it to that ugly rat you have." A gingered haired girl said, pouting her lips and crossing her arms.  
"Yah, well some of us have to scrap around to live. And Bloaty just happens to be 'some of us'." A dark brunette boy said with a gleeful smirk.  
"You know for a seventh year, you're pretty pathetic." The girl smirked.  
"Why thank you, Ash, m'love. For a sixth, you're pretty dandy yourself." Sirius lounged in the couch, closing his eyes. He opened them and she was gone. In a blink of an eye._**

After the attacks started on Hogwarts, Sirius was shipped to Paris with James and Remus. Ash, sadly, had to finish yet another year at Hogwarts and Sirius couldn't find the courage to go back there. After Hogwarts, she had to go to America with her controlling parents and what he's heard of now, she was getting married soon to an American auror named Dominic Manry. From what he heard from James mum, they had met in a club down in New York.

Sirius had known Ash since they were kids, parents were friends and they hated each other. Ash was a feisty child who loved to pull his hair. He had started dating her when sixth year was over and they had a rocky start but it came together quite nicely but because of certain events that took place they were pulled apart.

He threw the paper in the garbage bin and ran a hand through his hair.  
**_Knock, Knock._**  
He looked up transfixed on the door. No one ever knocked here, he thought. That's right, he remembered, he had to interview a person today.  
**_Knock, Knock._**  
He opened the maple door slightly, carefully as if waiting for an attack. He peaked through to see a familiar brunette standing in front of the door, face pale from the cold, wearing a sad brown coat.

"Hi, you're Mr. Black, right?" she asked quip ply, in a very 'get-to-the-point' kind of voice.

"Call me Sirius, please come in." He said slowly, with no hurry.

She came in and took off her hat, "I know you recognize me as the girl from that restaurant but in my defense, those girls had it coming. You were in a date with very snobby girls, if you don't mind me saying so."

Sirius smirked at her, so that's where he remembered her from, "Why aren't you the opinionated one."

A pink tinge entered her white face, "Well, I am known to be so, sorry."

He raised a hand, "It's fine, as long as you can get the job done, I don't mind."

"Well, I don't have a lot of experience in this sort of job but I am willing and determined to learn--"

"You have the job." Sirius assured her, cutting her off. He had a smirk plastered on his face.

She gave him a weird look, "So soon...?"

"Well, you seem pretty..." he thought for a moment, "self-taught for the job and I don't feel like interviewing other people. So you have it. Now what did you say your name was?"

"Flower." She said with a small smile. "Flower Potter."

Sirius gave her a funny look, "What?"

"Flower Potter." She repeated, her smile gone. "Do you find it funny?"

"No, I don't...I just happen to know someone by that name. That's all..." Sirius said, regaining his composure. "You start right away, why don't you stop by tomorrow and we'll go to the Ministry together, sound okay?"

She nodded, "Thank you, Sirius you said it was?" He nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Sirius paced in front of Remus, "You sent her here, didn't you?"

Remus furrowed his eyebrows, "Have you gone completely paranoid? I didn't do anything!"

"I hired her, just to let you know, but not because I think she's anything like Lily, it's because she suits the job."

"What are you talking about?" sputtered Remus, taking a bite of a bagel he had previously made.

"Flower stopped by to go for my secretary job." Sirius said, and then pointed an accusing finger at her, "Did you have any idea her name was Potter?"

Remus nodded, "She had told me that before..."

Sirius darted his eyes at him, "Don't you dare tell James."

"I wouldn't even if I wanted to..." Remus said with a bored expression on his face.

James sat on her bed, waiting for her return, he knew what to expect.

"James--is that you? It's been a while." said a gentle voice coming into the room. "You haven't come to visit me in like a month."

James gave her a warm smile, "You look much better."

The girl smiled graciously, "Thank you. How's everything? I heard you went to see Sirius and Remus; how are they?"

James sighed, "We're doing alright, things have been happening that are a little weird but none-the-less we're still in good health and alive."

The girl grinned at him, "That's good. How is my brother doing these days?"

"We actually haven't seen Peter around that much, hasn't he come to see you lately?"

She made a sad face, "No, not in a while."

James gave her a hug, "I hope you're feeling better Annabelle. I know Remus misses you."

Annabelle smiled and her brown curly ringlets moved slightly, "I miss him too, but don't pressure him to come see me. I know it must be hard for him."

James snorted, "You were his next-door-neighbor and one of his best friends for seventeen years, and let me not remind you how you guys went out for almost five years."

Annabelle gave him a sheepish smile, "Yes, but he wants to remember me the way I was back then, he doesn't want to see me in a bed here."

"He should still come, I come every month. You were like our little sister. You were the prettiest girl in the year below us." James said shaking his head. "Don't stick up for him."

Annabelle smiled, "Let's change the subject. I'm getting out of here in two weeks. Although, they don't promise a recovery. They predict I'm terminal."

James gave her a smile, "I bet my money, you'll come out okay."

Annabelle gave him a laugh, "You are so optimistic."

James handed her white tulips, "I have to go, but I promise you Remus **will **come visit you before you leave here. I'll owl you when I get home, bye bye Annabelle Lee."

"Good bye Jimmy." she gave him a grin.

James apparated to Sirius' house, landing in the living room with a slight _pop._  
He looked around the room only to see Sirius hunched over the little desk in the corner either too preoccupied in what he was writing or indifferent about people apparating in and out of the house.  
James walked silently over to where Sirius was careful not to startle his friend.

"What are you writing, Sirius?"

Sirius jumped nearly knocking over the inkstand; obviously James was not as careful as he though he was.  
"A letter. To err....Ash."

"Aah." James sighed at him, amused. "I thought you told me to let go of the past."

Sirius snorted, "You're right." He crumbled the sheet of paper and threw it in the bin under the desk.

Flower stood in front of the maple door, she didn't even know why she applied for the job. She needed the money, but the bloke seemed like such a lazy arse.

She could see herself being told to get him bagels with marmalade. Oh the pride she would have to lose to do such pity work.

"You're on time," said a voice from behind her, "That is very promising."

Flower turned around startled, "Don't do that..."

"I scared you, didn't I?" Sirius put on a very childish grin.  
_Oh Merlin, I am working for a child_.

"Just a little bit." She made a face.

"Okay, now to the matter-at-hand, we will be going to Diagon Alley today to do a bit of shopping."

"Shopping?" repeated Flower, her voice tensed.

"Well, you're going to need new attire and the boss thing to do would be to go with you to purchase them. It would be me, you and my good friend, who you know, Remus."

"I don't-"

"Don't be a spoil-sport, it'll be fun." Sirius said, his grin coming back.

Flower felt like she was being dragged into millions of stores, they picked outfits for her that she knew herself alone couldn't afford. They were so bright, so new, and so different from what she usually wore.

"I like this brown coat on you," Sirius said very seriously. "It says that you're a professional but you still have a life."

"Really? I see 'I own cats' written all over it." Remus continued leaning on the wall.

Flower sighed, "I'm not going to lie to you. I feel very uncomfortable."

"Just think we're like your little brothers, if it helps." Sirius explained buying the coat.

"Brothers..." Flower repeated. Why did that idea NOT seem so foreign?

"You know Flower, you are a very comfortable person to be around." laughed Remus, she then noted, he shot Sirius a look. "You make me feel like I'm back at Hogwarts."

"Hogwarts...that's such a..." Flower stopped. She saw pictures in her head of flying ghosts and a wondrous castle by a lake.

"I sure miss it there..." Remus sighed; he put an arm around her. "You make your lifetime friends there."

Flower gave him a smile.

"What school did you go to?" Sirius asked, heading back to the fireplace they came back. "Strange, you don't know how to apparate."

Flower blushed, "I, actually, don't exactly know..."

Sirius laughed a bit, "You just know all the magic but you don't where you learned it from?"

Flower shrugged, "I don't feel like getting into that much but I just don't remember. I was found in the hospital. No parents, no memory--end of story."

"Let's not get heated into this conversation, please." Sirius said, immediately feeling guilty.

Remus put an arm around Flower, "So where do you live now?"

"A flat downtown. It's not much but as long as it keeps me living. I'm proud of my little house." She let out a little laugh; Sirius saw Remus' eyes glow as she laughed. He was smitten with Flower. "I used to live in Wells with my best friend Heather, last news I heard from her is that she was engaged."

"A wedding? How delightful!" Sirius said in a singsong voice.

Flower gave him a side smile, "I s'pose, I would never want to."

"And why's that?"

"I have too much to accomplish to even _think_ about marriage. I have to have a good job; I want to travel for a bit, I want to write a book, I want to get a real swell promotion... I want to find my parents...I have so much to do in so little time." Flower said running a hand through her mousy brown hair. "And to be tied down like that...sounds too difficult..."

Remus made a face, "I'm sure you'd date though, right?"

Flower shrugged, "I'm getting rather tired and my head is really starting to hurt...I think I'll be heading home now."

Remus then jumped up, pushing Sirius, "I can accompany you, if you want..."

Flower giggled, "Sure."

_**A/N-This my Xmas gift to all of you! Be sure to review if you like it and please no flaming despite if you don't like it. CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM is very much appreciated. Be sure to read my buddy Ash's story, The Black Years. I HIGHLY recommend it. Her user name is ashiwashikins. **_


	6. James Decision

**Chapter Five James Decision**

Flower looked at herself in the mirror; she had just woken up from yet another horrible reoccurring dream. She has been waking up at night to another horrible dream.

The most recent one was of her hanging from a long cliff holding on to a blurry persons hand... She woke up every time she slipped.

She washed her face again, she took her contacts off, and she had to use them to see. She saw her familiar green eyes through the mirror. She wore brown contacts so she could see, they let her choose a color and she was just in a hurry and picked the first one she saw.

She looked outside her door, she usually picked up the daily prophet, and there it was next to a pretty yellow tulip. A little note laid next to it and it read Remus.

She grabbed a nice blue sun dress and a gray vintage coat, she let her hair hang loose and she grabbed her bag and left.  
She didn't really know what she was going to go this morning; she didn't really expect to see anyone out of the ordinary. Who was there to see?

At one she had to go to work, Sirius was going to apparate to her house but the problem at hand was how was she was going to entertain herself until then.

In the end Flower decided on cleaning her shabby little flat up, why she decided on doing this she had no idea since she almost never cared about it before. Maybe it's because I've never had visitors before, or maybe it's because Sirius is coming over. Flower decided it was the first since impressing Sirius was one of the last things on her list.  
Flower wasn't much of a disorganized person, on contrary she usually liked to keep very clean but lately her mind had been elsewhere and she grew to not really care how she kept her house.

She started to make tea, she wasn't much of a tea drinker but it did calm her down.

She heard a strange knocking at her door, "Yes?"

No response. _**Knock Knock.**_

****

She reached for the knob her mind full of paranoia; who can it be?

Her face pulled a smile, "Oh hi. I didn't expect you."

Remus stood in front of her door, "I hope you don't mind me coming."

Flower smiled, "Not at all, but you look rather tired. Are you sick?"

He laughed nervously, "Not really. I just didn't get much sleep."

Flower nodded as she let him in, "Do you want some tea? I just made some." He nodded, biting his lip. "Here you go."  
Remus sipped the tea silently, wondering if he had been too presumptuous to have popped out of no where, so spontaneous.

"So...is there a reason you're here?" Flower asked nervously, tapping her thighs.

Remus stuttered, "N-No, n-n-not really. Just came by t-to visit."

Flower laughed, "How nice."

Remus shrugged, "What can I say? I'm just one of those types of people."

"Awe, are you really this modest with other girls?" Flower snorted, she had been sarcastic.

Remus chuckled, "It works most of the time..."

"What are the girls deaf?" Flower sat across from him.

"Ha-ha, why aren't you the shy one?" Remus said laughing, blushing.

"Always have been." Flowers smiled.

Remus went quiet and a distant look was in his eyes, almost as if he was remembering something, but he quickly shook it off.

"So what do you plan on doing today?"

"Working for Sirius, I mean he's a good guy and everything but-"

**_POP_**

"Did I just hear my name?"

Flower looked up and smirked, "Whoa..."

Sirius looked down at Remus, "Odd, I don't remember you telling me you were going here. I recall you saying, 'I'm going out to get some more milk,' where's the milk?"

Remus gave him a halfhearted grin, "I had to make a quick stop-"

"I'm sure," Sirius said cutting him off, he turned to face Flower, "Ready?"

Flower looked over at her watch, "Yeah I am, let me just add this one thing into this potion I've been working on."

"Why didn't you do it earlier?" Sirius said, his voice growing irritated.

Flower gave him a sheepish grin, "Um, let me just do it now. I have to do it before the full moon, which is tomorrow, if you blokes didn't know."

"Oh, we knew." Sirius shot a look at Remus, who coincidentally looked away. When Flower was out of earshot he looked over at Remus. "What, may I ask, are you doing here?"

Remus felt his face burn, "I-I-I'm not sure..."

"Then leave." Sirius hissed, Remus gave him a look and before Sirius could say anything else, pop and Remus was gone.

Flower came back out, taking off gloves, "Where's Remus?"

Sirius shrugged, "He said he had to leave and just...left."

"Oh..." Flower said, heaving a disappointed sigh.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Marie stood in front of their kitchen; she knew James was home, she had heard him earlier. She heard footsteps creeping down the stairs.

She sat on the chair, hands folded. She felt her palms sweat with anxiety.

"Gah!" said a voice that rang with jarred.

"Hello James," she said, her face splitting with a grin. "I've missed you."

James ran a hand through his hair, he didn't know what to do, "How did you get in?"

"Is that how you greet your girlfriend?" She got off the high stool chair and put her arms around his neck.

He took her arms away from his neck, "Not now..."

"You look awful! Have you done anything about your bags under your eyes?" she said in a creepy soothing voice.

James looked at her; he didn't know how to react, "Are you okay?"

"I miss you," she repeated. "When are you coming home?"

James groaned, "I'm not sure I want to come home."

She narrowed her eyes, "Did Sirius talk you into this?"

"No, I did. I want to be here, by my friends, family and my life-"

"You had a life with me." Marie snapped, cutting him off.

"You think I can pay for our flat myself? If you leave me there, I'm going to have no place to live, and you can just do that to someone?"

James sat down, his face in his hands. Marie knelt next to him, voice in his ears, "Look at yourself, you're a wreck. You look tired, sick and extremely underweight. You think this is the life for you? Some life. Living with a bunch of bachelors and taking care of your sickly mother. Do you really want that?"

Did he? James didn't even know. Why did he come back here? He had no reason. He was just throwing his life away.

"If you come back to Paris with me, we can live happy together. Far away from here. Just us. We can take care of each other. I can take care of you."

"What about my mum?" James found himself saying. "I can't leave her again."

Marie put an arm around him, she can see her plan was working, "Do you love your mother James?" He nodded swallowing. "Then, why do you want her to see you like this? A wreck, you're only going to break her heart."

James felt tears trickle down his cheek, "I don't want to break her heart."

"Then let's go. I'll be back tomorrow to pick you up, make your good byes and then we'll leave." Marie gave James a big kiss, leaving him very confused.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"So what exactly do you want me to do?" Flower asked when they arrived at Sirius' office/house.

Sirius shrugged, "Deliver my articles to the Daily Prophet, bring me food, and do whatever errand I need to be done."

Flower raised an eyebrow, "That's it?"

Sirius shrugged again as he sat down beside his desk, "Yeah, I guess."

She sighed, "So what do you want me to do for today?"

"Now that you mention it," Sirius ruffled through some of the piles of papers on his desk and pulled out a rather lengthy looking one about one of the players of Puddlemear (NOT SPELLED RIGHT. CAN NOT FIND Q. THROUGHOUT THE AGES) United, "I do need you to Floo over to the Prophet and delver this to Amy Gwen."

"Amy Gwen?"

Sirius nodded, "There's Some Floo Power in the pouch over by the fire place, take it with you since you can't apparate and since they usually don't have Floo Power over there."

Flower nodded, she didn't even know why she took this job now, "I'll be back in a few."

As she was leaving she felt a giant shove by her shoulders, "Excuse me."

"You're excused," it snapped back.

"Sirius, you seem to have a guest." Flower said, glaring at the taller brunette. "Though I didn't quite hear a knock at the door."

"Don't worries, no one ever knocks around here-" Sirius stopped in mid-sentence. "What in bloody hell are you doing here?"

The woman gave him a very snotty smug smirk, "I had small business with Mr. Potter." Her smirk grew smugger. "In his bedroom."

Flower felt the air around her tense up, and then she realized something, "Potter?"

Sirius swallowed, she could tell he wasn't at all pleased, "That's my mate's last name."

"My business here is done Sirius, but I will assure you, that you will be seeing much more of me." The woman looked disgustingly pleased. "Have a good day Sirius?"

"Get out." He spat. "NOW!"

The woman laughed a bitter cackle and then pop she was gone.

"Who was that?" Flower asked, crossing her arms.

"No one. Go do what I told you to do. I have a little business to get in touch with. Go, there's a deadline to that article." His voice was stern. Serious.

She felt a head ache coming on...she saw pictures fly in her head...broomsticks...full moons...Hogwarts...

"I'll be back." She said turning around to leave. Sirius watched her leave through the fire place.

As soon as she was out of earshot, he stomped upstairs to James room. He felt his fist tremble as he pounded on the door.

"Didn't you have a--" James started in a mellow tone.  
"What the hell was that slag Marie doing here?" Sirius spat. "Did you enjoy your business knowing your mum was in the next room?"

"I'm going back to France." James said looking away. "I don't want to be here anymore. It's too much. You two have new lives and I'm just trying to find my old one, I'm going back to France. I had an interview with Quidditch captains and I let it go for a dream that isn't worth chasing."

"What about your mum?" Sirius said his voice tensing.

"Look at me Padfoot! I'm a bloody wreck! My mum wouldn't want to see me this way! I might be back...I don't know..." James said grabbing something on a shelf. It was silver, had sapphires around it and engraved it said L. E.

"What are you going to do with that?" Sirius said staring in disbelief.

James handed it to him, "You keep it, do whatever you want to it. I don't want it."

"But--"

"Keep it."

James left to the other room, probably to talk to his mother. Sirius looked down at the silver box, he had to save James. He had to persuade him to stay. How...How?

**_A/N-Finally another chapter. Constructive Criticism please, no flaming. I would like to thank Ashy for her help, please continue you to read her ficcy The Black Years and keep reading Starry's fic Lives Once Lived. Next chapter...will Flower find the box? Will James really leave England for Marie? What about Annabelle Lee? What about Remus and Flower? Tune in next time for Finding Lily!_**


	7. Story Telling

**Chapter Six Story Telling**

James lay face down on his bed, clothing flung all about him. He wished Sirius would just leave the house for awhile so as not to face him when he actually left. Sirius had eyes that would bore guilt down into you till the guilt ate you away.

Why did he come here in the first place? What was the reason for it? To get away from Marie? No.

He rose from his bed and grabbed a box that was neatly placed under his mattress. It was a sea-greenish blue color and quite dainty and worn out. He opened the package; it had pictures, warrants, warnings, letters, broken watches and the chain that went to his old time-turner.

_"Hand it over, James." Whispered softly Professor Dumbledore, his eyes were twinkle-free and his silver beard was in tact._

_James stood there holding the tiny time-turner closely to his stomach, not shifting for a second._

_"The consequences could be great James, you could be stripped from your name, give your family a bad reputation... You are still a man with out a name, but a foolish man for losing it for a foolish reason." His words slid through his lips into James ears. "You could lose everything you own, everything you've accomplished. What about your quidditch title? Are you willing you even lose that? What about your mother James? What would she think?"_

_James winced at the mention of his mother. "I would imagine Holly would be very disappointed to hear that her son was meddling with time."_

_James swallowed thickly, "I keep missing her Professor, when I go back...I end up somehow not being able to make it to her. I never leave her side, the other me--I mean--I can never get to her because I'll be discovered by the old me if I do...does that make sense?"_

_Professor Dumbledore stood there, "It does James, but it surprises me that a boy like you James with so much dignity, so much pride, so much to live for, would like to spend his life going through the same scene in his life forever."_

_"Is that all you came to France for Professor? To try to convince me to see the errors of my ways?" James scoffed. "You once told me that the greatest magic in a wizard was their love and now you're trying to tell me to _stop _what I'm doing, despite its reason for love?"_

_"Don't make me take it by force James...just hand it over..." Dumbledore stood there in front of James with his wand at hand._

_James eyes darted at the wand, he whispered to him, "Don't do it-"_

**_Accio-"_**

_James angrily threw the time-turner at Dumbledore and ran into his room. _

James looked at the chain; the gold was chipping off with age. It had been two years since he had last seen it attached to the time turner and in two months it would be four. Time did fly after school, often too fast for his liking.

He then pulled out a ram shackled photograph of his days back in Hogwarts; he looked at himself in the picture with unruly locks of jet-black hair, creeping over his left eye. He observed how the James in the picture blushed and tried to hide his face behind a book while the Lily in the picture fought to keep the book down. Her red locks going down to her shoulder, while her big green eyes were lit with amusement.

He smiled and closed the box, all he needed was closure. A good riddance from all these memories and the best place to hide them was here, he knew he wouldn't come crawling back to look at them anymore. He thought about the music box, should he have given it to Sirius? He should have burned it.

_"What song is it?" Lily asked; her focus was deep in the music box. "It's so...soothing."_

_James grinned bashfully, "Music of the Night, my mom hums it a lot and I think it's very...hypnotizing, I guess. It says _**_L. E. _**_on the side. By the sapphires."_

_Lily looked up at James, "This is the best gift ever James, I'll never forget it, really."_

_James laughed, "Just don't lose it, when you come to France, I want to see you with it."_

_Lily smiled at him and then accidentally closed it, "It's locked. How do I--"_

_"I was hoping you'd ask that question Missy Evans." James pulled out one of those nice emerald velvet boxes and handed it to her. "It's a necklace, but if you turn it on here, the music box opens."_

_James smiled at her as she put the necklace on that read '_**_Together in Paris._**

_"I'll definitely remember this." Lily said tucking the necklace in her shirt._

The memories of Lily slipped away, tuckedsafely inside of James brain, in a door where never to be bothered again. He slid the box under the plain bed.

He walked out of the door and left his coetaneous ideas of Lily in there, far from the depths of him.

He passed by his mother's door, guilt pouring into his body leading to guilt chills and goose bumps. He opened the door silently, jumping at the creak sounds caused by the door. The room paint was chipping off the walls, the room smelled like old Chinese take out just left there ignored. It was quiet, a quiet that James didn't feel quite comfortable in.

"Mum...?" James stepped into the room and his voice rattled with nerves.

There was a mild shuffle in the bed, "Ja-James?"

James fixed his glasses that were falling askew; he felt his voice tremble as he started to speak again, "I thought I would stop to say good-bye before I left."

His mothers eyes grew wide, "You're leaving again? You just got here!"

"I'm only going for a little while; don't get excited, you know its bad for you." James said in a very careful tone of voice. "I have to um...finish business."

Her voice was soft and mellow, sweet yet tired out, "You are such a busy boy James. I feel like Sirius is my little boy now. Don't leave me here long, James, come back to me. Promise?"

James choked back and said softly, "Promise."

------------------------------------------------------------------

James felt his heart stop as he made his way to the hospital, his heart felt heavy and hurt; he didn't enjoy telling people he was leaving again. He was causing more of a deal then it really is.

He entered the quiet hospital and made his way to the room that he had been going for so long.

This meeting had to be accurate and it was inescapable.

He saw the small figure in the bed, brown curls askew. Was she sleeping?

"Annabelle Lee?" he said quietly. "Are you awake?"

He watched a head rise from the bed, her face was pale and stretched across her face, her brown chocolate eyes were dimmed while her eyelids hung over them, her lips were a deep tinge of rosy red, sore and bruised. She looked tired and feeble.

"Jimmy?" Her voice was feeble, he felt like he was with his mother again. "I-I-I have to t-t-tell you..."

Her eyes glossed over and her head hung back, James watched her, petrified with every move she made. "Annabelle, what happened?"

"I-I-I'm getting sicker...I-I-I might not be able to leave." She blinked; her eyes were full of fear and sadness. "My brother came yesterday. He's alright; he's found a better life he says."

James sat next to her and grabbed her hand, "You need sleep, you need rest, I'll come by tomorrow. Go to bed."

"Tell Remus, I miss him." She croaked before she went off to a deep slumber, leaving James feeling suddenly indifferent.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Flower felt the day drag on, she didn't particularly enjoy working for Sirius especially when he was in a serious mood. She could tell something was bothering him; something was poking him in the back of his mind. She noticed how he wrote, his hand massaging his forehead while putting his head support on his elbow.

"Tired?" Flower asked, trying to bring a conversation at midst.

"A bit." he said, taking his time with his words. He looked up at her and sighed, "Why don't you take five?"

Flower looked at him with a queer expression plastered on her face.

She excused herself and closed the door behind her, they had been working at his house and she had a great dire need to search the place.

She made her way up the stairs and observed each door, she already knew which door belonged to Holly, the lady Sirius took care of but each door had its own hidden meaning behind it. She could feel it.

"Where do you think you're going Miss Potter?" Said a very amused voice.

"Remus!" she hissed at him, punching his arm. "You nearly startled me."

Remus grinned feeling rather accomplished, "Any who, what are you doing up here? Curiosity killed the cat, y'know."

Flower shrugged, "Go away then."

Remus looked around, "Ava might catch you."

"Who's Ava?" She asked looking around, noticing every chip of paint there was.

"One of the other people who live here, her room is down stairs though and I don't think she's been home lately, to tell you the truth." Remus wondered out loud. "I wonder who she's shacking up with now..."

Flower shot him a stare and entered the room at the farthest of the corridor, "Nice view." She said while she looked out the window. "Close the door, will you?"

Remus did so, feeling a lot of school boy hormones come back.

"Whose room is this?" Flower asked with a heart full of curiosity.

"James. He left though." Remus said, he sounded bitter.

"His name is so...pretty." She said crouching by his bed. "Who is he?"

"He's one of my best friends." Remus started telling. "He was here just now, funny how you keep missing him."

Flower nodded, "How long have you known him?" Remus noted how she looked genuinely curious about all this, it made him feel good being next to someone who wants to know so much.

"Well I'd seen him once or twice before because of my mum but I really met him during the first day of Hogwarts."

"Ha-ha, cue the music." Flower said, giving him a small wink. "Now tell me about your first day."

_Remus sat quietly on the train, his nerves rattling and awaking at every movement surrounding him. There was no doubt in his mind that this day was not going to go so sweetly for his liking. The day already had started off in a rocky bunch. On his way in the barrier he had knocked down this tall boy who looked as if he was in his second year in Hogwarts. The boy gave him the meanest glare and walked away from him, brushing himself off. _

_He looked out the window once more, the sun was hiding shyly behind a couple of clouds. This was not a way to start of the day indeed._

_He heard a noise at the door and he gulped to himself. He was not a pushover, mind you, he was just not a very confident person._

_"Is this seat taken?" Pressed a very obtrusive, brash voice._

_"N-No." Remus replied, he observed the boy quickly. He had oily black hair slicked to the side, covering most of his forehead. His eyes were small and narrowed, he could guess that that boy was a very paranoid person. They were the darkest color he had ever seen for eyes, they were too dark to be brown. His face was very porcelain pale, his nose was hooked and he had thin lips that curled up barely when he were to smile. Remus noted all this in mere seconds, he was a very observing person._

_"So what's your name?" The boy questioned, arching his eyebrows._

_"Remus." He answered boldly. "Yours?"_

_"Severus," he replied stiffly, "Severus Snape."_

**_Severus Snape?_**_ Remus thought to himself. _**_Weren't they the people who had my father evicted from the Groves?_**

_"Are your parents wizards?" He started again, in the same thick voice. "Mine are."_

_Remus stared at him, he was starting not to like this bloke little by little, "Yes they are, but I don't see why it would make it any different."_

_Severus shrugged and said in the same rich voice, "It would just be a pity to see so many mud bloods here."_

_Remus nodded at him. _**_What a wanker._**

_The door opened once more, a boy stood there with jet-black locks on his head wildly, covering his eye, with dark brimmed glasses, "Hey Remus, can I sit here?"_

_Remus smiled at the boy, "No problem James."_

_Severus stared at James with great dislike, he probably recognized him from somewhere since James was going everywhere because of his father these days._

_"James Potter." he said to Severus with his hand outstretched._

_"I know bloody well who you are." Severus spat. "Your father is the bloke who's helping Albus Dumbledore make peace with all these disgusting _**_things_**

_James frowned, "And the funny thing is, we still haven't gotten to you yet."_

_Severus stood up enraged, "Your father thinks he's doing well, well we'll see when he's in the front page..._**_dead_**

_James stood up after him, "The only person who's going to die right now is you if you don't get out of my face now. You're talking about bloody disgusting things when you have a face only a mother can love. When was the last time your wanker arse took a bloody shower?"_

_Remus tried hard not to smirk or snort in Severus' face._

_Severus glared at James and left._

_"Who did that wanker think he was? The Queen of bloody England?" James snorted opening a box of Bertie Botts, "Hungry?"_

"Did he really do that?" Flower asked Remus eagerly, she reminded him of a child willing to accept any piece of knowledge.

"James wasn't the type to just let things drop, he took everything very seriously." Remus thought for a second. "Let me rephrase that, he didn't let things just drop because he had too much pride to let himself just take things like that."

"He sounds like a character, maybe I'll meet him one day." Flower sighed and put her hands on her lap. "Tell me more stories of you and your friends."

Remus thought for a moment, a smile crept on his face, "Okay, here's one. It was Valentines Day, I think either 6th or 7th year...yes 7th; my friend James..."

_"Look, there's your chance. She's by herself." Remus told him, elbowing him. "Unless you're too scared..."_

_Sirius glared him down, "I'm not scared."_

_"Because if you're scared I'll do it Padfoot..." said James, his lips curling._

_"Don't you have some tutoring to attend to?" Spat Sirius, holding his flower in his hand._

_"Lily's busy today." James said stiffly. "I think her boyfriend took her out for the day, what was that blokes name again?"_

_"Amos Diggory." Peter answered automatically. "How many times are you going to pretend like you don't know his name? The act is getting pretty old."_

_James ran a hand through his hair and sighed, "I don't know what you mean Wormtail."_

_Sirius then made a sudden leap, "There she is!" The watched as a ginger haired girl made her way through the common room, she had a high ponytail with absolutely no bangs on her just a few baby hairs. She looked in a rather touchy mood one might have assumed, but they knew that that was just the way she held herself._

_James watched how Sirius got nervous, he had never seen a side of Sirius like that and who was to blame him if he wanted to make a sport out of it, "Sirius will you please get it through your head that I don't want to be your Valentine!"_

_Sirius looked over at James, his eyes bulged as every one in the common room turned to face them, "What?"_

_"I am a one woman man, Sirius, I'm sorry that you feel the need to have to _**_beg_**_ me to go one just _**_one_**_ date with you. I feel that I just have to let you know. The answer is 'no.'" James said dramatically, looking over at the girl who was now smiling over at them._

_Sirius must have caught the drift and replied, "That's not what you said the other night James, you said I was the only man for you."_

_Remus walked over to Sirius, "You bitch, you said you loved me."_

_By that time everyone in the common room was staring wide-eyed at all of them, amused or annoyed--they were still staring._

_James grinned at both of them and made his way to sit down, "Hey Sirius, why don't you go give your Valentine to Miss Harris now? You sure have her attention now."_

_The ginger haired girl pretended to have not been watching while a pink tinge entered her face._

"That was a fun Valentines..." recalled Remus, he suddenly became quiet and distant. His train of thought was no longer next to Flower, it was now flying elsewhere. Back in time, when everything was simpler.

Flower was still on the edge of her bottom, desperate to listen to Remus tell another story, "So Sirius does have a sensitive side..."

"Heh, I s'pose you can say that." Shrugged Remus, his mind was still elsewhere. "I would say he had a sensitive spot just for her."

"Who was she?" Flower asked, leaning her head back on the wall.

"Her name was Ash Harris, she was one year under us. Sirius and Ash were like the most ridiculous couple while still being super normal...it was weird. They **hated **each other for most of their Hogwarts life, maybe it was because they were so much a like. Somehow they started dating in seventh year...they tried in October and the broke up in the beginning of November...then they tried again in December and they broke up because of Sirius' jealous issues in January and then he won her back over on Valentines Day and then it was a steady path."

"How do you remember all that?"

"One tends to remember things when their sitting in a train for hours alone." Remus said in a relaxed voice.

"What about you Remus? When was the last time you fell in love?" Flower sat there, her eyes wide.

Remus looked at her, memories came in and out, "That's a story for another time. Why don't you go to back to work. I'm rather busy Flower and I don't have time to just sit here and tell you stories about my days back in Hogwarts."

And with a _**pop**_ he was gone.

* * *

**A/N-Sorry if you felt this chapter took too long but I wanted it to be at a certain length, tell me if you liked the length of the chapter. Once more I ask for CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, no flaming. Thank you very much. If you would like me to advertise your story please leave a comment with your stories name. I won't advertise more then five stories a chapter.**

**xx**

**therandomdrew**


	8. A Plastered Time

**Chapter Seven A Plastered Time**

Remus cupped his hand in his face, he almost let himself break apart in front of her. She looked at him so...so...kindly... He felt his insides numb as he thought of her brown eyes looking at him. He had felt so warm sitting next to her, telling her all those Hogwarts stories. It seemed so surreal, almost. So make-believe.

He wanted so badly to go back and just sit next to her again, he could tell her so much and he knew she would listen. It felt so right; so what was stopping him from pursueing her?

The thought of her being Lily? What if she was Lily? He had once been a very close sentiment part of Lily's life, it wouldn't be so hard for him to recognize her. Of course this girl looked hardly anything like her...why Lily had large green emerald recognizable eyes and Flower has warm chocolate eyes that absorbed Remus from the ground.

What if he did pursue her? What if he got too comfortable? What if she left him if she were to figure out his secret? They always did.

He's had his fair share of hearbreaks, leaving his heart so tender and fragile. He hasn't let the warmth of a woman near him since almost his years at Hogwarts. He dated around afterwards but his heart was back at school with another...

He walked around Diagon Alley, his hands deep in his pockets. In the corner of his eye he saw a familiar hooked nose person. He turned his head and to his prediction, he had been right.

"Severus...?" he said to himself in a mere audible tone.

He moved slightly closer to see if he could get a better look at who Severvus was speaking to. He was slightly surprised when he saw the pudgy little figure that was Peter.  
Remus observed the way Peter moved nervously, edging away from Severus as if they were back at Hogwarts.

Severus shoved by Peter and stalked off into Knockturn Alley. Remus could have sworn Severus disapear into the fog, but that was probably his paranoia kicking in.

Remus finallly ran up to Peter, "Wormtail, where've you been mate?"

Peter jumped almost out of his trousers, "Were you watching me?"

Remus felt insulted for a second, "Um, no." Peter sighed. "Although, I did see Snape talking to you five minutes ago. How did that go?"

Peter's round face went slightly pale and discolored, "Jus-Ju-Just catching up, coincidence we bumped into eachother. And you know the bloke, doesn't r-r-really like to umm...get disturbed."

Remus gave him a skeptical look, "That's odd, you'd think he'd grow up by now." Remus noticed how Peter's watery eyes darted to the right and then made their way to the left.

"You'd think," Peter nodded agreeing, his voice still uneven. His eyes dropped to the scars on Remus' arms, "That full moon really took a lot out of ya', huh?"

Remus looked down, following his eyes, "It never gives me a break."

"Hmmm," Peter thought for a while, "You'd never guess who I bumped into in the States."

Remus cocked an eyebrow up, in a questionable form. "Ash!"

His eyebrows went up, definately, "Really? How is she?"

"Engaged, if thats what you mean." Peter's eyes glittered mischeiviously. "But if you didn't, health-wise she's okay, she says she has a nice house." Peter looked over at Remus, as though edging him to ask more questions.

"Well, did she ask about _**us**_?" Remus asked, leaning agaisnt a near wall, causing skeptical looks from nearby ladies.

"Well," Peter started, he was quite the gossip. "She tried merciless to avoid **_'the talk'_** about Padfoot, you can tell. But it did come up, and she did seem concerned about him. She didn't ask much about you or James... come to think about it. She says she's sending us invites to her small wedding, she calls it."

"Mhm," Remus said, he was losing interest in this topic. He felt his thoughts take him elsewhere again.

"So where were you off to?"

"I was just strolling. Going to go check up my old flat." Remus said nodding.

"You know, Moony, that also is the way to the Mungos hospital wing. If you were wondering." Peter said with a glint of glee in his eyes. Remus started to feel uneasy and his train of thought stopped, he would have preferred another topic.

"Thats nice." He added, feeling the same unease.

Peter's watery eyes because two hard peices of ice, "She's sicker, y'know, weak. Her memory is very thin. She doesn't even recognize me when I enter the room, although I hear that she mentions me a lot." His voice quaked. Remus swallowed, guilt stabbing his side calling him a stupid cunt. "Somehow, with her memory weakness, she seems to remember you." His voice suddenly became angry. "She remembers you, even though you never go see her. You never write to her. You don't even remember her."

Remus opened his mouth in protest, "That's not true-"

Peter put his hand up to stop him, "You don't need to try to fool me with your excuses Moony, I'm not the one you should be convincing. She is sicker though." And with that said, Peter started to walk away. His hands in his robe. "I'll be sure to write more often now, I finally bought a new owl."

Remus noticed disturbed how Peter clutched his left arm as he apparated.

* * *

"So tell me about this bloke again?" Heather asked, putting her chin in her hand. She gave Flower a big smile. Flower had invited her over to her flat. Flower gave her a small giggle and blushed a little.

"His name is Remus...I don't know why, but theres something about him that draws me near him...like I know him already. It sounds weird, right? I've never seen him before, I met him on the train when I came here..." She tucked a peice of her hair behind her ear bashfully.

Heather snorted, she threw a peice of popcorn in her mouth, "I _highly_ doubt this guy is anything special."

Flower shot her a look, "He is so. You don't know him."

"Neither do you, you've only talked to him a few times. What about his skeletons in his closets? Everyone has some of those."

Flower shrugged, "That doesn't mean that everyone of them is going to mean trouble. "

"Doesn't mean everyone of them's **_not_** going to cause trouble."

Flower shifted uncomfortably in her chair. She didn't like to think of Remus as some kind of deranged psycho killer, he was just too..._nice_. It felt good to be around him, he had a comforting presence that made her feel just right inside. Something she hadn't felt since she lost her memory.

"Listen," Heather said softly noticing Flower fidgeting in her chair, "He's probably as swell as you make him out to be, I'm just being overly cautious trying to look out for you."

"Well I can look out for myself, thanks." Flower snapped crossing her arms. "You don't hear me getting all judgemental about your wedding."

"Well, whats wrong with my wedding?" Heather cried nervously, she stopped eating popcorn now and was looking at Flower. Her eyes large with curiousity.

Flower shrugged, indecisively, "It was just an example."

"No, really, whats wrong with it?"

Flower let out an annoyed sigh, "This isn't even about you so don't even try to turn it around. The point is, I met someone who I think is really worth something." Heather gave her a small look. "Not in money Miss Gold Digger! I swear..." Heather smirked and gave a little shrug.

Flower shook her head and gave a quick glance at her watch, "Oh gawd...I'm late... We have to go. Like now." She grabbed a green thick coat that hung from her brown coat hanger.

"Go...?" Heather asked, not processing the message

.  
She shot Heather a look as she wrapped her scarf around her neck, "I have work."

* * *

They made their way walking through the streets in the cold, every once in a while Heather would slow down her pace to look around. The surroundings were so different then her not so busy home and she couldn't help but feel a bit envious.

"This is where you work?" Heather started, observing the chipped black gate.

"No, This is where I go to get tea," Flower rolled her eyes sarcastically.

Heather ignored this," So how is this job of your what exactly do you do?"

Flower shrugged, "Nothing much really, I just run errands for that half crazy Sirius Black."

Heather's eyes lit up, "The one who writes sports articles for the Daily Prophet? They say he's dreamy.."

Hearing this Flower couldn't help but snort, "A loon more like."

"Nothing compared to this Remus, eh?" Heather nudged her playfully in the ribs.

"Nothing," Flower agreed. She opened the door and left her coat at the hanger.

"Shouldn't you have knocked?"

"Nobody ever knocks around here." scoffed Flower, telling Heather to hang up her coat.

Suddenly they heard a cluster of steps in the floor above them. Stomps and things being pushed over was heard.

A head peaked over the side, "Where have you been? You should have started working an hour or so ago! I give you a nice pay, I don't give you much to do and the only thing I need from you is promptness. Thats all I ask of you."

Flower felt herself blush. How dare he yell at me infront of company like that? Who does that bloody wanker tosser think he is? "I was just running a bit behind-"

"A bit?" Sirius sputtered. "The deadline for my article was half an hour ago, I had to go myself and get a lecture about tardiness."

Flower had enough, "How awful, I pity you. So dreadful to have to do something yourself."

Sirius stared at her, "Its not that I can't Flower, its that I pay you to do that. What am I paying you for if I have to do it?"

"Don't yell at me." Flower hissed at him, dangerously.

"Don't tell me what do you, I'm your boss. And if you want to continuously live in that nice flat of yours you better go off to do your work upstairs. I have envelopes you must stamp and address. Holly is very sick today so if you hear a bell please just go see what she wants. I leave the house to you."

"And where is it your going?"

"To France...I uh, must go pick someone-something-up." Sirius then shoved past Flower and apparated away.

"That's your boss?" Heather replied critically.

"Yes." Flower said feeling humiliated.

"Well, I'll see you back at your flat. Have fun." And she too apparated away.

Flower heaved a sigh, she knew that Heather was making up her mind about Flower's job. She could just imagine the things her so called friend was thinking. She was still unbelievably angry at Sirius, he should have known that she was going to be embarassed. **_Who did he think he was?_** She stopped thinking about him and moved towards the room and sat at the desk with all the envelopes and supplies thrown about it. God, this was going to be one long and monotonous day.

About an hour after she had started on stamping and addressing the letters ( she hadn't even made a dent in the pile. how one man could have so many letters that need to be sent all at the same time she didn't know) a **_pop_ **of someone aparating sounded from the frount room along with several drunken sounding **_thumps_** and much more cursing. _Great_, Flower thought savagely,_ now he's back drunk and mad. This day keeps getting better. _But the person who stumbled drunk into the room was not Sirius Black at all. Quite the opposite. It was Remus Lupin.

"I...um...didn't expect you." Flower replied uncomfortably.

Remus looked up at her and just fell over, "Of course you didn't expect me...you didn't know I was coming..." He fell into fits of laughter mixed with a few snorts. "What (hiccup) time is it? (hiccup)"

"Umm... like two or something..." Flower said edging towards him. He looked sweaty and his eyes looked distracted. It wasn't the Remus she met, it wasn't the well-together man who was different then other guys to her. The smell of alchohal filled her nostrils. "Isn't it too early to be drinking?"

Remus stared at her, his eyes glossed over, "It could be...it could be not...but it if you were me...it'd be _too_ late..."

"Too late?" She repeated, she didn't know what to do. This whole thing seemed so surreal to her, so fake... Why did Frankie have to suggest this job?

"Oh Flower...you have nothing holding you back in life...you're pretty...you're smart...you don't have any _(hiccup)_ traumas in your life holding you back...Hell! You don't remember your past! I must sound super _(hiccup)_ rude..." He said staggering to the side. Flower felt her face heat up. _No hold backs? Try having a horrible fear of trains...and a fear that your whole world could come crashing down at any moment...You try being stuck not knowing where you came from...Not knowing you once loved you...Not knowing who you once were..._

"Remus..let me make you a cup of tea, savvy?" Flower wiped her pants off and helped Remus to the living room. Her mind traveled back to the letters Sirius had told her to address. "What umm...have you done today?"

Remus snorted, "What does it _(hiccup)_ look like I did today? Don't play dumb." He looked up at her and snorted again. "You want to know what happened to me today Flower? I saw my past...and I didn't like my present..."

Flower cleared her throat uncomfortably, she could feel his breath on her, it gave her goosebumbs. She summoned the tea with her wand. "What, um, what do you mean?"

Remus sat back, sweat was trickling down his forehead now, "You remember when _(hiccup)_ we had that talk the other day? (_"Yes..."_) Well, I have fallen in love...I fell in love twice...and to be frank _(hiccup)_ that's all I've needed to realize..." Remus' voice drowsed off, Flower was now curious with what he had to say.

"Realize...? Realize what?" Flower sipped her tea.

"Realize...that no one can ever love me...no one..." Remus turned his head away. She heard his swallow. He looked up. "What's that smell?"

"Lavender...I put some in the room...I thought it smelled good." Flower shrugged. She felt her face heat up more. She felt so awkward and naked sitting infront of him.

"It smells good...like Annabelle..."

"Who's she?"

"She's...gorgeous..." Remus was lost in his world now. "She was girlfriend for forever...not to mention like my best friend...she had curly hair...curly curly... She was gorgeous. Beautiful... I miss her..." He curled up in the fetal position and hiccuped a few more times.

"What-what happened?"

Remus looked at her again, "She got sick. Very sick. There's no cure for what she has, so we only have to wait for her to get better_...(hiccup)_ Why am I telling you all this? It's only making me feel worse..."

"Here have tea-"

His arms flew up and it knocked the tea out of her hands. "I don't want tea! I want to stop waking up to the same picture! I want to stop waking up to the same memories! She's dying Flower! I haven't talked to her in forever, I haven't seen her in forever, and its sort of funny, because even though I haven't thought about her or seen her, I think about her all the bloody fucking time."

"She-She's dying?" Flower's voice tensed up.

Remus sniffed, "She's really sick...they say she's terminal_...(hiccup)_ I'm a stupid tosser and I'm going to die that way."

Flower felt bad for him, she felt her chest drop, "You're not Remus...you're sweet, kind, honest-"

"A liar, tosser, dumb bloke-" Remus stopped in his tracks. He looked up at Flower. "You're pretty. You're nice. You're sweet. You shouldn't be here talking to a bloke like me, you should be out_-(hiccup)_ with a mate who adores you..." His weight shifted and staggered back and forth. He was lost in his memories. In his grief. He leaned in and tried to kiss her but she moved away.

"What are you doing? You're pissed." Flower got up and walked a bit away from him. He stood up too, blushing.

"I'm sorry..." He walked towards her. "I rather do it while I'm plastered because I know I won't when I have the chance." He kissed her smoothly agaisnt her lips. She felt herself let go, her arms fell. She kissed him back. Relaxed.

She heard a **_pop_**.

"Remus?" Sirius' voice rang through their ears. It may have been a mere audible voice but to Flower it was like a giant bell ringing and echoing through her ears like a huge reality check.

She backed away. Sirius was staring at Remus with an angry expression. "You, we need to talk. Now." He pulled Remus into the kitchen. Flower stood there blushing from head to foot. There was still someone there. She turned and saw a man standing there with jet-black hair and silver brimmed glasses.

She didn't know what overtook her, "James?"

**_A/N-I know this took a while... I'm sorry. And I actually wasn't going to have Flower and James see eachother for at least two more chapters but a lot of readers really wanted this so WOOLA! Ha... Anyways, I want to thank the readers and reviewers. I want to thank Ashy for helping me with this chappy. THE FICCYS NOT OVER! I am working on the next chapter as you read. It should be out next week. As always, no flaming but CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM._**

**_ 33 Drew._**

****


	9. Lily

Chapter Eight Lily

James stared at her, "Do I know you?" He stared at her closely. She looked familiar...

"Um, I don't think so." She said quickly. Her face burned. "I just guessed. I've heard a lot about you from them. Sorry you had to walk in on that." She felt her face blush again.

James stared at her closely, "Is brown your natural hair color?"

Flower stopped and stared at him, "No. I dye it. Excuse me." She left feeling very foolish. She knew him...she knew him..but from where? She had to find out.

James placed his hands in his pockets and stood there feeling awkward. He watched her go back upstairs. She's cute, he thought to himself. Familiar cute.  
Sirius came out flushed, "You should see him in there. Rambling on and on. He's fallen off the rocker, that one. Anyways, have you met Flower?"

"That was Flower, I'm going to assume." James said, hands still in his pocket.

"Yup," Sirius said awkwardly, several moments of uncomfortable silence past as they both stood in the middle of the living room waiting for the other to say something and trying to think of something to say,with no avail.

Finally, Flower came down from upstairs sparing them from silently standing there any longer.

"Soo, I hear you live in France?" She asked James sheepishly. She grabbed a piece of her hair.

James looked at her while his elbow rested on the shelf, "Yeah, I do. I was there in bliss only moments ago, to tell you the truth." He shot Sirius a look.

"How is it?" Flower felt her eyes gloss over. She could just hear birds chirping in her ear. "Beautiful?"

James shrugged and ran another hand through his hair, "It used to be."

"What's that s'pose to mean?" Flower felt her head grow feverishly warm. She strained her eyes, his image was starting to look fuzzy. Images kept popping in her head, music blaring in her ear... Broomsticks, music boxes... "Never mind... It's been nice meeting you but, I think I better go upstairs. I feel a little tired."

Sirius gave her a funny look and stuck an eyebrow up, but she either ignored it or didn't see it,as she continued walking up the stairs.

After a few more moments of silence between the two James finally spoke up, " Well, erm," he cleared his throat, " I'm gunna go over to the Leaky Cauldron for a bit. You, eh, want to go?"

"No," Sirius shook his head, " go on, I need to get around to doing something I've been putting off for a while. Besides, Remus is still in the kitchen half drunk and your mum is sick."

James then remembered why he had come in the first place, "Right, well I need to do something else anyways. I'll owl you. Okay?" He didn't even wait for Sirius' answer he just left. Sirius leaned agaisnt the counter and ran a hand through his hair, the whole situation felt sort of surreal to him. Why would Remus get pissed drunk in the middle of the day? He rubbed his neck and sighed.

He walked over to the room and found Remus on the couch, his lips were crusty and white. He face looked weak and he looked thin and fragile. Sirius shook his head and walked over to make him more comfortable so he wouldn't wake up with a bad kink in his neck. He stumbled over the table and saw a gold glint in Remus' hand. He smirked and reached for it. A blue square hung on it, it read: '**Together In Paris.**'

He dropped it, he backed away remembering only too well where that had came from.

_"You're going to ask your best friend, pardon, _**one** _of your best friends who happens to be a girl to go with you to France non-romantically?" Sirius said, mocking James with an analizing voice.  
James gave him a look from under his unkept hair, "Are you that bloody slow that you can't understand a simple statement?"  
Sirius scoffed, "You're calling **me** slow? Have you heard your idea?"  
James shot him another look, "Okay well, what color should I get it? Green to match her eyes? That's getting pretty old though...she has so many things to match her eyes. Even the sparks of her wand match her eyes. Its ridiculous."  
"Yes, scandelous." Mocked Sirius, benting his hand like a woman. He sniggered as he avoided a swing from James. "Hmm, on a serious level now, I do agree with your observation. Getting her a green gift is a bit cliched. What? I read... a little."  
"I once heard her say she liked sapphires." James suggested, ignoring any irrelevant useless information Sirius told him. Remus popped his head over and gave his nod of approvement. James looked at Sirius. "Okay here goes nothing."  
He waved his arm around and his galleons dispeared and a necklace appeared, a glittery gold chain with the blue square at the end.  
"Together In Paris? You should have made it say **Paree** or someting like that. Sounds sophisticate-er." Sirius nodded. Remus shook his head behind his book. "It's a word."  
"Do you think she'll like it?" James mouth tensed up and Sirius imagined his palms sweating.  
"No." James looked at him. "She'll love it." Sirius laughed. "Why did you make that face? You looked freaked out."_

Sirius stared at it with disbeleif, it still looked the same except the shine was rustier. He backed away and tripped over the rug. He finally got to his senses and edged towards Remus, his voice croaked.

"Moony--Remus--where d-did you get-t this?" Sirius asked forefully. Remus groaned, drool falling out of his mouth. Sirius sneered at him. "Answer me. Where did you get this?"  
Remus moaned again and pointed upstairs where a cluster of noise was coming from.  
Sirius grabbed the necklace and raced upstairs, he heard noises and squeaks and paces. It felt like his stomach had dropped five feet.

He heard rumbles and things dropping behind the door in the left. He edged towards it, not knowing what to do or what to expect.

He opened it to find Flower on the ground, pounding it. His eyes widened and he dropped down to her. She looked at him, her eyes sparkled with tears and her cheeks were rosy red, but there was something different. Her eyes weren't sparkling brown...they were big round emerald almond shaped eyes.

"What are you doing Lil-Flower?"

She grabbed her hair and looked at him, her face was streaked with tears, "I can't do this anymore. It hurts! It hurts so damn much."

"What are you talking about?" Sirius said, edging away from her.

"I have to leave, I can't stand this anymore." She put her hair in a pony tail. "Sirius, I am going to sound like such an idiot when I say this but I'm leaving anyway so fuck it.

I feel like I know you guys."

Sirius swallowed and felt his adams apple rise and fall. He shifted his weight uncomfortably.

"I see James...and my heart pounds, like I'm s'pose to be doing something... I feel like I know him. I'm stupid, I know but don't you think it's a coincidence that I said my name was Flower Potter? I have to know him!"

"Flower, calm down--"

"No! You have no idea how it is for me, waking up each day knowing that I have no past, no parents--Do you know how I felt that day when I woke up at the hospital with nothing?"

Sirius stared at her, she was pacing and all he could stare at were her eyes.

"I was confused, alone, empty--I had nothing left. I didn't even know who the bloody hell I was, all I had was that stupid locket, that I don't even know what it's for---"

Sirius grabbed her shoulders, "Shut up."

She stared at him, hurt, "Why?"

"Because I can help you."

**A/N-I know, I know. That was a long time and this is a short chapter but I think it has everything you want. And just to let you people know, James does recognize her in the next chapter. So stay tuned. **

**Drew.**


	10. Do you trust me?

"Too good to be true," James murmured, lying in his bed remembering her soft features. He took another swig of mean and stared at the darkness of his room. He was alone, not literally, he had Marie next to him sleeping soundly, and he was in fact, alone, in his heart. In his mind, he had no one but himself. His endless battle to fight.

"James, what are you mumbling about?" Marie murmured into his chest, feeling her hot sticky breath against him. She opened her eyes and smiled at him. "I'm glad to see that you're awake and muttering…" She stopped talking and stared at his cup. "Isn't it a bit too early for brandy?"

"I think I found her Marie…" He said to her in a voice so soft it was a whisper. He felt her body stiffen under his arm. "I think I saw her…"

"James, babe, don't confuse yourself with fantasy and reality. You probably saw what you wanted to see, not what was really there. Don't confuse yourself. Let's not start this again."

He took another gulp, a long gulp. He stared down at her. She looked so deep in thought, probably plotting something. "You're probably right…I shouldn't keep putting myself through this. You're right, like always." He planted a small kiss on her forehead.

She gave him a satisfied smile and cooed, "It must be so hard to lose someone you love. Well, you won't ever have to lose me, don't worry about a thing."

Remus sat in the waiting area, waiting for what seemed like hours to him, endless hours with endless torturing. He felt a tug at his heart, telling him to leave, telling him to make the right choice but standing up and just leaving.

A woman edged near him, his heart sank, she was wearing a long white dress, "You can go see her now."

He found himself taking small baby steps to go near the door. He felt every single emotion all at once tugging at his insides, chewing on his skin like a poisonous disease, ripping him to shreds.

He opened the door and walked in, feeling a cool air in front of him. A relaxing wave of non-stop nirvana.

And then he saw her.

_Come up to meet you, _

_Tell you I'm sorry, _

_You don't know how lovely you are. _

She stared at him, her face flushed, every feature as soft as ever. He stared at her in awe, she was beautiful. Her curls hung loose by her chest. Her eyes were clear and amazing. They both did nothing but stare, he felt a longing to do nothing but what he was doing.

He edged towards her. Taking each step a slow as he could, he heard his heart beat against his chest. Her eyes were full of tears by then. He took her hand and held it, not knowing if she was real or a figment of his imagination.

_I had to find you, _

_Tell you I need you, _

_Tell you I set you apart. _

He felt his eyes tear up, he placed her hand over his heart like he used to do whenever he was nervous with her and she gave him the same smile she always did except this time it meant so much more to him.

Tears came out and all the words he could muster up were, "I love you. I'm sorry."

She let out tears and pulled him closer, felt the ticking ruffle of his hair under her chin. She felt his tears on her chest. She closed her eyes and kissed his forehead.

_Tell me your secrets, _

_And ask me your questions, _

_Oh, let's go back to the start. _

_Runnin' in circles, _

_Comin' up tails, _

_Its only science apart. _

"Remus, I've waited for you, every day." She said her voice feeble and soft. "They think I'm crazy."

"I think you're beautiful." He said, still crying. She laughed softly, tears coming out. "I'm sorry I made you wait. I should have been here with you every single day, like I told you I would when we were together. I've let you down, I'm sorry babe, so sorry."

She held him closer, he felt his heart leap, and he felt all these emotions that he used to feel.

"I love you."

He smiled at her and gave her a kiss, their first kiss in over four years. Her lips were soft and enchanting; he held her face close to his. Their tears clashed together and made one. He recited her 'I love you' over and over in his mind.

"Remus," She pulled away and stared into his eyes as if she was searching for something and then smiled softly when she found it, "I'm dying."

_Nobody said it was easy, _

_It's such a shame for us to part. _

_Nobody said it was easy, _

_No one ever said it would be this hard. _

_Oh, take me back to the start. _

"You can't—I just found you—I just came back to you, don't leave me." He said tears rushing out uncontrollably, he held on to her hand like she was going to fly away. "Don't leave Annabelle." He put his hand up and she put her hand against it like they used to do, his hand was always longer then hers. He wiped her tears away and kissed her again, more softly then before.

"I'm not leaving you right now; they say that I don't have much time left, probably a few more months in me and they say a year if I'm lucky."

"Please be lucky." He said softly against her chest. She placed her hand against his face.

"Don't let this get in the way of your happiness Remus; you have so much in you. You have so much to achieve. You are still young, I see so much in the future for you. So many obstacles to overcome and so much life to live. You'll find love and when you do hold on to it."

"I _am_ holding on to it, I found you." He said crying into her hand.

"Soon, you'll have to let go of me."

_I was just guessing, _

_At numbers and figures, _

_Pulling the puzzles apart. _

_Questions of science, _

_Science and progress, _

_Do not speak as loud as my heart. _

"Annabelle, I want to take you to places. I want to show you things, I want to hold you and show you off to the world like I used to." He said sheepishly.

She smiled at him, "Shh, come here."

He rested on her bed and found a place for his head under her chin. "Tell me you love me."

"I love you, with all my heart." She shed her tears all over him.

"Marry me?"

_Tell me you love me, _

_Come back and haunt me, _

_Oh, when I rush to the start. _

_Runnin' in circles, _

_Chasin' tails, _

_Comin' back as we are. _

"Help me?" Flower spoke softly to him. Sirius held his hands in his pocket. "How can you help me?"

He wouldn't meet her eyes, "I know you. I know the girl you used to be. I know the green eyed, red haired girl that lives deep in you. You're not Flower Potter. You're not the brown eyed brunette you portray yourself to be."

Flower stared at him, he knew everything--- how did he know? "What are you talking about?"

"You're Lily Evan's."

Flower felt her head ache.

_'James! I can't...don't let go, please...'_

_'Jump Lily!'_

She felt her head, the back of her head had a scar and she traced a long the lines of it. Her face flushed and she stared at him in disbelief.

_'Lily, let's go! It's getting too risky!'_

_'My music box James, it's under the bed...just let me get it and we'll go.'_

She reached for her necklace, "Where is it?"

"You lost this." Sirius handed her the necklace. He met her eyes and he recognized her for the first time. He saw the old flame in her eyes that had been dimmed for so long.

She stared at it and grabbed it, her hands were shaking.

_'You better take this serious Potter, or I'm not going to waste another second with your sorry arse.'_

_'Good evening to you too Miss Evans.'_

"James, where's James?" She looked around the place like she knew where she was for the first time.

Sirius jumped up and stared at her, "Are you…are you…?" He stared at her. "What's your sister's name?"

"Petunia."

He reached for her arm and pulled her into an embrace, "Lily! Oh my! Lily, Remus reckoned it was you and I didn't believe it, I'm such a tosser, I'm sorry. He _knew _it was you. _Knew _it."

Lily reached for a strand of her hair and stared at the brown, her body shook with little control. She remembered everything, almost everything. She remembered little details like her family, her eyes teared up when she remembered her parents died and her sister hated her, she remembered James as her best friend and didn't remember what had happened. She remembered the music box and remembered the locket.

"Lily, what's wrong?"

"Don't call me Lily, I'm not Lily." She edged away from him. "I'm Flower. I'm Flower."

"Lily stay with me. Don't leave. You're Lily Evans. Lily Evans."

She stared at him, she felt her head battling, and who was she? Who was she? She was Flower…but why does she feel like Lily?

"I'm Lily…" she said slowly back. She shook her head, she felt it harden. She felt her eyesight get fuzzy. "Sirius, get James. I need him to help me."

"Listen Lily, your memory—it's coming back, slowly but surely. Stay with me long enough to get James. Please. Let me apparate…"

"I'll go with you, we don't have much time, my head's caving in." Lily stumbled over and held on to his shoulder. "Take me to London."

She felt an unbearable amount of pain, she felt all her body get sucked into her navel, her breath shorten and her heart pounded. She felt like someone was trying to squeeze her skull together.

And with a 'pop' it was over. She opened her eyes and the sun was shining on her face, birds were chirping and she saw the Eiffel Tower right in front of her. Her eyes widened and she stared in awe.

"Oh my…" She felt her face flush and looked up at Sirius. "It's beautiful."

"Mhm, remember. James was going to take you. Remember." He pointed to her necklace. "I knew you'd like it here. James only lives a few blocks down, we can apparate or we can walk."

"I don't think I can take another apparition…" She smiled weakly. Her head still pounded from everything that was rushing back. "Let's walk, the sights are beautiful."

She couldn't help feel like a lost dog, everything seemed to make her go in awe. The flowers had the most vibrant colors. She stared at the colorful benches. Everything looked better in France.

"Here we are." Sirius said wrapping an arm around her waist. She stared at the cozy flat, it was near a pretty park and she felt butterflies overtake her stomach.

"He won't recognize me; he'll think I'm crazy. I think I might be crazy, what if I just found this necklace before I lost my memory and I'm just a fake."

"But you remember who you are Lily, you remember. How else did you remember your sister's name? I didn't even know it, but you answered so quickly, how could you be lying? Hey, I might be wrong, you never know. But James here will know for sure. Trust me."

She sighed nervously, "Go with me?"

He knocked at the door and let himself in, "James, are you here?"

A brunette popped her head out of no where, she stared at Sirius like he was a piece of worthless vermin and then stared at Lily hard like she was searching for a reason to give her the same look as well.

"Where's James?" Sirius asked her with a voice that not even Lily/Flower recognized.

"Out, buying me a pack of fags. Why? What do you want? What's your damage?" the girl spat. "What in bloody hell do you possibly want? Do you _want _James to end up being locked in a room like his fool of a mother?"

"Shut the bloody hell up. You have no business in knowing what I want my _best _mate for. No business. So keep your fake nose out of it." He muttered a few words, which sounded very rude. "If you refer to Holly like that one more time I don't give a bloody damn if this makes me a wanker or a tosser, I'll hit your face with so many hexes you won't be able to say a word for the rest of your sorry life."

"I hate you." She said coldly. "Get out."

"Marie, grow up." Sirius said bluntly. "I have no business in leaving yet. I'll wait for James to come back. I have rather important news to give him."

"Oh yah? What?" Marie said to him, curiosity overtaking her.

"Well—if you must know—I found Lily." He stared at Lily proudly, like she was gold while Marie stared at her in a whole different way.

"How much did you pay this one?" Marie spat. "Who in bloody hell do you think you are you worthless slag? Anyone can just come off the streets and say 'I'm Lily' these days and you'll just jump up and believe it. Won't you Sirius? You make me sick."

Sirius narrowed his eyes and said nothing.

"Look I'm sorry, I've been through a lot and I just want some answers. I think…"

"And you think James will be able to answer them for you?" Marie said laughing. "Please. You're only here cause Sirius hired you. I can see through this little charade. Sirius just wants to separate me and James. You don't think he's actually trying to help you, now do you? He just wants to help himself."

"That's enough Marie." Said a voice from the door, a moment later, an unruly jet-black haired too-tall skinny man walked in.

"James, your back." Her voice was calm but tense. Her eyes were hard on him like she was trying to tell him something with them.

James kept his eyes focused on Lily, looking her up and down. Lily felt her heart leap and her knees give in. She fainted.

She woke up on his couch, it was night and James and Sirius were in the other side of the room whispering softly. She stood up and walked into the room. James looked at her, his eyes were soft.

No one spoke.

He walked up to her, softly, taking each step with caution. Memories flew in her head.

'_James, when someone dies what happens?'_

'_Well…sometimes they get a funeral…other times…um I don't know.'_

'_Shut up. I mean, do we go to heaven or hell?'_

'_Hmm I don't believe in heaven or hell. I believe that when you die you go with the person you loved the most in the world and live in a nirvana all on your own.'_

She suddenly became aware of the heat coming from her body and his body. She felt the tension in the room and she saw the smirk on Sirius' face. She stared at James face and found his features much different, she found him much more mature like he had gone through a lot.

'_Lily, tell me something.'_

'_What?'_

'_Is it weird that I feel like I could tell you anything?'_

'_You tell me. I don't think so. I think it's quite sweet. Attractive almost. Almost.'_

'_You like me huh Lily? You like me a lot. I could tell.'_

'_Ha. I like you like a tutor likes their student. That's all.'_

'_Nah, we're way past that Lils'. We're like secret friends, best friends almost. I mean what kind of tutor and student sit on the frozen lake together talking about heaven and hell?'_

'_Authentic ones.'_

'_I s'pose. One question, do you trust me?'_

'_What kind of question is that?'_

'_A good one. Now answer it.'_

'_I s'pose I trust you, I'm a very trusting person.'_

'_Then my suspicions are correct then. We're way past friends. I think we're in a relationship.'_

'_Gasp, we have a relationship? Don't be so dumb James.'_

'_I'm serious Lily.'_

'_Hahaha, well then we have a great relationship.'_

'_Indeed Miss Evans.'_

He pulled her close to him and held her face; Lily stared up at him searching for an answer in his hazel eyes. "Do you trust me?" He said in a soft seductive voice. Her eyes widened and everything came back to her. Everything, her love, her memories, her hopes and wishes. Everything seemed to be like it was yesterday, a step away. Tears rushed out of her face down her cheek. "Do you trust me?"

She grabbed his neck and pulled him close and gave him a passionate longing kiss across his lips. She held him close. Sirius had already left. James picked her up and led her to his bed. She felt so many renewed feelings as they continued to kiss. She felt his hands explore her body, like in a searching for way and she felt his strong hands on her small waist. She gasped for breath as he continued to kiss around her neck.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this." He said rubbing her stomach. "And this." He bit her lip. He pulled her close to him.

She held on to him and felt the most pleasing feeling in the world. The feeling of love.

**PS. I know I took too long. You still have a couple more chapters left in this story and I promisex59869 that I won't take too long. I feel like this chapter is too cheesy please tell me if you think otherwise. No flaming, constructive criticism. I owe this chappy to Ash. Without her I would have never finished it. More on Remus and Annabelle in the next chappy. Ava comes back. Love springs for Sirius. More on Peter and Severus. Much love.**

**Drew.**


	11. Untitled

James stared at her feeble body lay next to him sound asleep, pressed against his chest and her breath was lovely like music and the warmth that came from her was enough for him to be warm for a lifetime. He stared at the way her lips were slightly opened and the way she held on to the blanket like it was security, like she might fly away soon and she needed to hold on to something solid.

For so long Lily had been his security blanket, for so long and then for it to be taken away in a heart beat can shatter your world in two. He had to learn to stand on his two feet without being dependant on anyone, to stay strong, to stay alert, without distractions or warmth. He had to separate himself; he had to set himself apart from the rest. He had to grow up and stop being so naïve about the world around him. He had to stop showing off and had to stop clowning around. He had to grow up. He had to learn to ignore and not get close to anyone. He felt vulnerable and afraid, he stared at her closely, and how could someone so beautiful hurt him? It couldn't be so…Lily would never hurt him, but truth was, he didn't know Lily anymore. All she was was a memory; she didn't look the same so how could he know if she acted the same? For all he knew she was a completely different person. He didn't want to let go of the person he remembered her to be, because the person he remembered was beautiful and alive and the Lily he saw before him looked worn and broken. Then again…

He was also a different person since Hogwarts, he was so naïve and cheerful and happy and now he was a bitter worn out human being who was making a fool out of himself in his mind.

He shifted his weight and stood up; he paced around for a bit and then covered his mouth in thought.

"You think she can make you happy James?" Someone snarled from behind him. He turned around covering himself with a blanket. It was Marie, her eyes with glaze and she stared at him like a numb, thoughtless zombie. For a split second he almost felt _sorry _for her. "You think she loves you James? She doesn't even know you anymore…not like I know you." It was like she was reading all his worries and saying them out loud. It scared him.

James edged nearer to her and placed a hand on her face, it was wet from tears, "Marie, I lied to you when I first met you. I led you to believe I was happy, but I wasn't. I haven't been the whole time I've been with you. I'm sorry."

"Look at her James, she's a child. She needs to mature. She doesn't know anything about you anymore. She's a _stranger_ and you want to throw all of this away for a _stranger_?"

He gave her a small smile and stared proudly at the woman sleeping on his bed, "Well it's up to me to find out."

"Don't be foolish James." She snarled at him.

"Marie, nothing has changed. Everything I told you yesterday I stand by. I have no regrets."

"Yet."

"Ever."

"Oh James, I'll make you regret it." Marie stared dead into his eyes and backed away from him and a 'pop' and she was gone.

"Crazy slag." He sighed and stared out the window. The weather was beautiful. He went back to his bed and brushed his lips against her smooth skin. He heard her shift and her eyes fluttered open to reveal two big emerald eyes staring back at him.

She looked flushed, she raised the blanket to cover all but her eyes, and she stared at him, confused. He stared at her back; she was so breathtaking it was ridiculous.

"Hi…" He started and edged a hand towards her; it broke his heart to admit that she flinched.

"Hey…" She stood up, covering herself up a bit more. She stuck her hand out and then said, "I'm Lily."

He started at her bewildered, "Hi Lily…Do I have to go along with this too?" She nodded. "I'm James." He stared at her, was this her? Was this _really _her? "Are you really Lily?"

She looked taken aback, she covered herself up a bit more again, "Shouldn't you know? Can't you tell? _Wouldn't _you know?"

James cursed himself silently for startling her, "I just can't believe it's you…It's been so long…I mean—I would hate it if it ended up being another," He strained to say the word, "fake."

Lily placed a hand on his knee, "James, before yesterday, I had no recollection of you or my past at all, so I don't think I know how you're feeling exactly, but yesterday when I saw you—when I touched you—everything fell into place. I don't regret anything we did yesterday but…"

He placed a finger on her lips, "Shh… Don't say anything. I'm going to go, for a while. When I come back, we can go out and get some tea and we can talk."

"You're leaving?" She said in a small voice that made him go weak in the knees.

He added hastily, "If you want, I can stay."

"I'd like that," she said with a smile.

After they both got dressed they sat on his bed and just stared at every place but their eyes.

"So how's Ash?" Lily said her face pale.

"Good, from what I hear engaged." He said. He looked at her body, should he touch her? _Could _he touch her? Would he hurt her? Would she hurt him? Did she realize how in love with her he's been?

"Wow…" She let out a sigh. Her eyes were glazed over. "I've really disappeared for a while, haven't I? Missed out on quite a bit."

"Don't worry Lily; you'll be updated soon enough. I reckon it'll be like you never left," he made eye contact, "maybe even better."

She gave him a weak smile and took a sip of tea, "Maybe…" Her eyes lit up. Everything seemed to make sense. "Remus! Why isn't he with Annabelle, what happened? I remember him mentioning something about her…I just can't remember what. Ha, I'll never get a hang of my memory."

James sighed and rubbed his temple, "Well…it all started when Remus came with us, to France, after your disappearance." He swallowed, the memory pained him. "Well when he got here, we got news that she had caught something deadly from one of the Death Eaters. Tried to get her parents to become Death Eaters and when they refused, they went into hiding but before doing so, someone slipped Annabelle something and it ended up poisoning her. She's been getting sicker and sicker ever since. Remus never had the nerve to visit her. At first he kept putting it off, and months turned into years and he just never went. I think he's too ashamed to go now, with all the time lost. She's going to die though, reckon it's something painful too. Wormtail visits her every so often. Bloody horrible." He finished bluntly.

Lily put her hand on her mouth, she remembered Annabelle, she was a prefect and she was very prestigious, "That's horrible! No wonder Remus…he must be heartbroken…she must be—this is so horrible."

"That reminds me, about that kiss—("_He kissed me! I swear._") I hope so." James said, smiling at her.

Lily became very quiet and still, "How come you never came back to London? How come you never looked for me? It wasn't over for me! I've been alone all this time!"

James stared her amazed, "Are you seriously asking this? Are you _really _asking this?" She nodded. "I didn't know you lost your bloody memory! I thought you would have written. I did look; I looked for years, ask Sirius and Remus. I never gave up. It wasn't over for me. I had horrible dreams, they made me see shrinks. There has not been one day Lily that I never thought about you. I thought you knew where I was…"

Lily stared at him, "Then why didn't you just declare me dead?"

"I—I—I didn't want to think about that," James said in a low voice, "I would have blamed myself and then my life would have been even more miserable then it already has been."

"You could have continued with your life, James. I was only your friend." Lily said in a voice as loud as a whisper.

James stared at her, "How could you say that? After yesterday…I reckoned you got the message." She continued staring at him. "I love you Lily, I always have."

She shook her head, this was not the impact that he was hoping for; "Don't you use that silly word. That's ridiculous. You _loved _me, the old me. You don't know if you love the person I've become, you don't know if you love Flower."

James winced, his heart was too weak for this, "I see. Lily, did you love me?"

"I loved you very much." She answered, looking down. Her face was blushing. "If things would have been different…"

"I know." He said bitterly. "I know."

"You have got to bee joking." Ava hissed at Sirius, arms folded across her chest, while a ginger haired girl sat next to her with the same sour look on her face.

"That's what I thought…but it's her alright." Sirius said leaning against the wall looking at her through his dark eyes.

"James saw her?" asked the ginger haired girl directly. She looked uncomfortable, as well did Sirius when he looked directly at her. He nodded slowly, "And he's convinced it's her?"

"It _is _her. And yes, he is. Although I did leave after he looked at her…It was touching." Sirius said looking down. "I remember when we were in school…he never admitted it and I never asked him…it was just so obvious. These days can really harm you…"

The ginger haired girl scoffed, "I don't remember you much of a sentiment Sirius."

Sirius shot her a filthy look and replied in a slow dangerous dark voice, "Today isn't about you or me, _Ashtyn_. Nor is it about the horrible person I was during school. It's about James, my best mate, and Lily, the girl he was in love with for eternity; or have you forgotten about _your _best mate?"

The gingered hair girl named Ashtyn looked livid and her face was a deep red, "No, I haven't."

Ava cleared her throat and continued, "So let's say this woman is her, how is she? Does she remember everything?"

"She seems to remember everything about her and James, her family and a bit other things. She still needs help to recall everything."

"How convenient." Ava replied skeptically. "Well, we'll know if it's her when we see her." Sirius nodded in agreement. "So where's Remus?" She asked eagerly. "I haven't seen him since that day he mysteriously appeared at your house…"

"I don't know, probably off somewhere moping." He shrugged nonchalantly. "You know…hasn't been the same. Who can blame him? It's not exactly like we're all the same since school."

"No, we're not, sadly." Ava said with a small smile.

"So how are the weddings plans coming along?" Sirius asked the gingered hair girl in a fake mocking voice.

"Just fine." She answered dangerously.

"Show him the ring, Ash." Ava said excitedly.

Ash shot her a dangerous look and stuck out her hand annoyed, "See?"

"Isn't it beautiful?"

Sirius scoffed at it, "Surprises me how someone with such a free spirit could tie their selves down to one person."

"Yes Sirius, that happens to be one concept you never seemed to understand. One person to one person." She shot back at him bitterly. "And I thought today wasn't about how much of a bloody wanker you were back at school?"

Sirius stared at her darkly, "Tell that bloke what a lucky man he is." He apparated away.

"No good—frapping—always getting the best of me—thinks she's so bloody smart—ARG!" He accidentally knocked over a table with his leg.

"I hope I'm not interrupting you're ranting." Remus said, with a strangely wide smile on his face. "What's up mate?"

"I just came back from Ash's place, Ava was there." He said grumpily, giving him a look. "She asked about you."

"Hm, that's nice of her." He didn't seem slightly interested. "What happened?"

"Nothing!" He snapped. "Why would something happen? Nothing happened." Remus continued to stare at him. "She happened! She thinks she can still treat me like she did at Hogwarts, like I'm some wanker who doesn't think from the head on his shoulders—she doesn't even _know _me!"

Remus sighed, "We know you're a good person mate, she doesn't know what she's talking about." It almost sounded recited, since he almost always had to tell Sirius this during Hogwarts.

Sirius shot him a dirty look, "So what's with that ugly smile I saw you with earlier?"

"Oh that," He grinned again and gave a little blush, "It's nothing."

"You better tell me but first I have to tell _you _something." Sirius' face suddenly became blank and unreadable. "That was Lily. Yeah Flower was Lily. I took her to James while you were passed out on the couch. Ha, I bet Prongs isn't too happy about that kiss." He smirked.

Remus' smile flickered and he suddenly looked like he was deep in thought but that was gone as soon as it happened, "So that was her?" He felt slightly smug about being able to kiss her before James could. I mean she was one of his first girlfriends… "That's good. I'm happy for him."

"Now tell me why you're smiling." Sirius demanded.

Remus smiled again, "I went to go visit her, Padfoot. I saw her again." He didn't even need to say her name, Sirius already knew to whom he was referring to.

"Annabelle? Annabelle Lee? You saw her?" Sirius said in awe. "Wow. Please tell me you didn't quote Edgar Allen Poe to her again?"

Remus shot him a look, "I didn't and let me tell you, she _enjoyed_ it when I did."

He rolled his eyes, "Corny and cliché."

Remus smiled and just thought how moments ago…he was with the woman he almost let get away…he was at bliss and if it wasn't for the nurse and her guidance he wouldn't have left.

"You know what would be weird if you told me that and then I went, 'Annabelle Lee died three days ago', and wouldn't that be spooky?"

"You are such a fruit." Remus said walking away.

Sirius yelled back, "I prefer to be called an apple. Do me a favor, check up on Holly for me."

"Remember the time, when you were convinced that Snape had a good heart." James said as if it was the most ridiculous information he had ever heard.

Lily laughed, which made James smile because he had always thought her laugh was beautiful, "I still think that. He was never bad James; you never gave him the chance."

"I had my reasons." He said, shrugging. He felt so comfortable talking to her, like old times.

"You were so mean to him James, really, you and Sirius both." Lily said shaking her head.

"Pch, whatever." James said, sounding very much like he used to.

For hours, they spent talking about memories and making each other laugh. Throwing Bertie Botts back and forth, trying to land them in each others mouths. They were hanging out as friends with no romantic feelings in between. They even played hide-and-seek for a while until Lily laughed so hard that pumpkin juice flew out her nose.

"Look, it's the sunset." James said, holding his stomach from laughing.

"Don't be silly, I don't want to look at it. I want to keep hanging out, I might have to leave soon."

"Leave?" James said suddenly, like the word was foreign.

Lily nodded, "I have work, James, I have my life in London, my friend Heather—she doesn't even know my memories back, I have to write to Ash and Star! I forgot Star." And she went on and on, listing reasons on why she had to leave him.

"So that's it then?" He asked, stung. "We haven't seen each other for years and now you're going to leave after a day of hanging out and after last night?"

"Don't be dramatic. I'll be back." She said smiling. "I have to work though, my life isn't here like yours is."

He nodded sadly.

She stared at him, "Are you staying here?" He nodded. "You don't want to come back with me to London?" He hesitated and shook his head slightly. "Why not?" He shrugged. "Are you not going to talk to me?"

"I am..."

"Don't be like this, c'mon, let's look at the sunset." She said, she grab hold of his hand and lend him outside his door. She sat on the porch and patted the ground next to her, signaling for him to sit down. She started humming a Frank Sinatra song that she remembered James loved.

He smiled.

"_The boat rides we would take, the moonlight on the lake. The way we danced and hummed our fav'rite song. The things we did last summer I'll remember all winter long_." He sang below his breath. They smiled as they touched knees, like two teenagers they smiled and blushed.

"You know something; I think I might have that song." James stood and opened the door for Lily; she walked in, giving him a gracious smile. "Wait here."

He walked away and came back holding an old record player and a record that said, "_Frank Sinatra_."

"It was my dads, he loved him. Loved him. Played it all the time when I was young. This very same record, little did I know, he left it to me." He gave a small smile.

"Put it on." Lily said encouragingly.

He did so.

_The boat rides we would take, the moonlight on the lake_

_The way we danced and hummed our fav'rite song_

_The things we did last summer I'll remember all winter long_

_The midway and the fun, the kewpie dolls we won_

_The bell I rang to prove that I was strong_

_The things we did last summer I'll remember all winter long_

"Dance with me?" He said bashfully, holding out his hand, remembering how his dad would do this to his mum. It used to make his mum so happy. She nodded and took his hand, smiling a small yet very meaningful smile to him. He held her close and smelled the lavender radiating from her hair. Her brown hair that made him frown.

_The early morning hike, the rented tandem bike_

_The lunches that we used to pack_

_We never could explain that sudden summer rain_

_The looks we got when we got back_

_The leaves began to fade like promises we made_

_How could a love that seemed so right go wrong?_

_The things we did last summer I'll remember all winter long_

He dipped her, just like his father would do, graceful yet with sly style. She giggled.

"Smooth, James."

_I've tried so to forget, at times I do, and yet_

_The mem'ry of you lingers like our song_

_The things we did last summer, I'll remember all winter long_

Lily smiled and heaved a sigh, "That was fun."

James smile flickered, "You have to leave now, huh? The suns gone."

Lily looked outside, "I'm afraid so and if it's not so much, can you take me?"

For a split second, he wanted to say no, so she would stay but he rather let her go gently then her leaving without a chance of never coming back.

"Sure."

"I hate apparating." She shuddered. They stood in front of Sirius' house, she looked up at him and gave him a kiss on the cheek and a big hug. "See you soon?"

"We'll see." He said, giving her a small smile. "Here you go." He pulled open her hand and put the small music box in her hand. She stared at it, it still had the same gleam and touch it had when she first saw it.

"Thank you."

**A/N-NOT OVER YET! I am so tired. With the writing of Behind the Prince and Finding Lily still here, my fingers are exhausted. Please give Behind the Prince a chance and please comment it. Sigh. Much love. 3**


	12. Severus

Chapter Eleven Severus

She traced her finger along the gems circulating the little music box; she sighed and pushed it gently away. The sapphires gleamed and called her over but she stood away from them hesitantly.

It had been almost a week since she had last saw James, she felt her insides squeeze themselves together when she thought of him; where could he be? Wasn't he s'pose to be the guy who went crazy looking for her? She sat in the foot of her bed just staring at her necklace.

"You, some may say this is pathetic." Sirius said stepping in her plain room.

"Some equaling you." She snapped. She whipped her hair back. Red roots were emerging.

"Growing your hair out I see?"

She stayed quiet and continued to play with her music box; she looked at it like each time was the first, like James had just barely dropped it in her hands and that at any moment he would come through that door and apologizes for taking so long.

"I know you miss him." He said in an almost inaudible voice.

She wanted so badly to question what he thought he knew about her, she wanted to snap and say that he had no right to say he knew anything about her but she didn't. She didn't want to bring herself down to own of those attention craving, angst-filled women who just cause and live drama.

"I don't really feel like talking about him, I'm sure he has a perfectly reasonable explanation for not being here." She said in a careless voice, she looked down and fiddled with her hands. "He might be busy with work, or something. Besides…" She stopped and looked up at him, "Forget it, I don't want to talk about it."

Sirius wasn't much of a pusher or a prier so he knew when he had to stop. "Fine with me. I thought I'd take you out to lunch."

"I'm not very hungry." She said softly.

"Ava and Ash are going to be there." He said and gave her a smirk. Her face lit up and her eyes glowed.

"You must be very excited to see Ash," she said with an obvious amount of sarcasm in her tone.

"Actually, despite what people might think or tell you, I _do _enjoy seeing her every once in a while. I like to know if she looks any different, you could never tell with her. I like to know how she is and if she's happy, but with her, ugh, it's like an on-going war. She thinks that I'm just out to get her. I doubt that I'm even close to being invited to her wedding; she probably already made up her mind about me and has just stunk to it. Oh, she made up her mind about me LONG ago back at school." His words dripped of bitterness and anger. He kept his focus on the ground, almost as if he was directing his anger towards it.

"People change. And I'm sure she knows that, she just doesn't want to accept it." Lily tried saying, her voice light and sweet.

"That still doesn't give her the right to always treat me so bad."

"Well the Ash and Sirius I remembered were both very stubborn and very dramatic with their fights. And I know you won't get off your high horse to confront her about it and I know that Ash won't ever admit she's wrong so she will just be directing the anger she feels at herself at you. So she'll have a reason to be mad."

"God Lily, you've only been in my life for a little while and here you are again fixing my problems and giving me advice."

"That's what I'm here for, again." She felt her chest puff up with pride. She gave him a look and edged him forward, he wrapped his arms around her and she gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm going to get ready and then we can go to eat. I'm so excited!" Lily got up and shooed him out of her room.

Moments later she walked out of the room wearing this beautiful simple white sundress that looked like it was made back in the fifties. It was halter and it went out a little bit her hips and the dress went a little past her knees and she wore little white ballet flats. She was a naturally petite person but the ballet flats gave her more of a tiny appearance.

She had placed her hair in an elegant bun with little pieces of hair went down. She was a person who hardly ever needed make up so she got that full on natural glow.

Sirius could feel himself holding his breath. _What is keeping James back that is holding him back from seeing this? _

"Awe, Lily, you look absolutely beautiful. I told you, I missed you over the years, right?"

A blush made its way over to her cheeks, "Thank you and yes I'm glad you have."

She looked back at the music box on her bed and asked in a forced aloof matter, "You haven't, by any chance, talked to him have you Sirius?"

Sirius met her eyes and looked away, and cleared his voice, "No I haven't," he replied awkwardly, "have you?"

"No," she responded dryly, "I haven't."

"Let's go then, hold my hand," He took his hand out and felt her grasp on it.

"Well well, you finally found her James." The voice of Albus Dumbledore rang through his ear. "About time, some would say."

James furrowed his eyebrows and cleared his throat, "Some would, yes. I just wanted to stop by to say…"

"Hello?" He chuckled and then flattened his beard a bit. "You would come by for a quick chat when you have just found Lily? I would imagine seeing you spend every waking moment now with her. Now since you can."

"I would, but… I don't want her to feel suffocated or anything, I mean I would love to just be with her and just hold her but, the thought that pains me to be around her is that she wasn't my girlfriend when she left so it's not fair of me to just show up and expect a full blown relationship from her."

"Well that is a very fair thought James, but you haven't even discussed this with her so you don't know what she wants. Instead you're here discussing it with me, when you should be discussing it with her. I mean if it is her best intentions you have in mind, that is." His eyes glittered majestically.

"It's difficult…we're two different people, we probably want two different things. I want to settle down and just know all these things about her, but she probably wants to find something spectacular and just be free and able to do all these things. She can do what she wanted to do back in school; she has to find herself… I'm probably the least of her thoughts."

"James, you might be right but I am also sure that Miss Lily must not appreciate very much that you just spent one night with her and never even sent her an explanation or anything." He folded his hands and stared at the edge of his desk.

James fixed his glasses and stayed put, "I don't want to talk about it Professor, ("I've told you million of times James, you are free to call me Albus—Sirius has taken it upon himself though to _overdo _it.") I'm sorry, Albus but that topic just doesn't feel appropriate for me to discuss it with you."

James could have sworn he saw him flinch; he felt so distant from someone he used to question and sit around just to hear what he had to say about things.

"I have a confession, James." He said suddenly. James stared at him. "I want you to leave as soon as it comes out of my mouth, I want you to stand up and leave. I don't want to give you an explanation just yet. I'll find you when times right."

"Professor—Albus, is everything alright?" James tried.

"I knew where she was, the entire time, I didn't tell you. I've been lying to you all this time." He choked on his words, for once James felt bigger then he was. He looked at him astonished, looked at him with such disgust and looked at him for the old worn out man he was. James stared at the man who he used to think as a wonderful teacher, a man that would never do him wrong.

He stood up, feeling mightier, mature—and gave him a hard look and did just as he instructed him to, and left.

Sirius took her to a nice restaurant off the shore of New York, Ash had chosen and Sirius admitted to Lily that Ash had wonderful choices of restaurants.

Lily felt her heart sink lower and lower, she felt so nervous, like they had a gigantic spot light on her.

Days ago she was Flower Potter, a woman who had potential feelings for Remus Lupin and little memories of her past and now she was Lily Evans, who still had the feelings but now she had feelings for her old best friend James Potter with a handful and a half of memories in her with more still to come.

They were the first to see her, Ava immediately approached her. She stood her, her mouth was wide open and her eyes were welled up.

"Lily?" Ava asked, taking her appearance in. She had her dark hair pulled back with ringlets of curls letting lose by her neck. She was wearing a very classy and professional black dress with dark red lipstick on.

"_There he goes again; just tell the bloke you don't like him so he could just crawl in his room and die or something." Ava said shooting a smirk at Ash, who was lying back on the couch._

"_He's pathetic Lily, Merlin only knows why you even bother talking to him."_

"_Severus is nice, that's why. He isn't like Sirius or James—he's nice." Lily replied with a deep accent._

"_Sketchy is what he is. I wouldn't go touch him with a ten foot pole." Ash said flipping a page on her book._

"_Well that's just your opinion." She gave Severus a small wave and he returned it._

"_Bloke never even smiles." Ash drawled on._

"_Stop it. And what if I did like him, would it be so bad."_

"_Lily, you cannot be serious!" Ash scoffed, shooting him glares._

_Ava gaped at her with her mouth opened wide, "Lily! Well, he does have like a sexy 'I don't care about anything' attitude that is rather intriguing and the way his hair falls over his eye like that is very nice."_

_Lily gave her a small look and laughed, "Glad to know you're opinion."_

"_James would never approve." Ash warned her. "Never."_

"_Well I don't talk to him anymore, do I?" Lily snapped._

"_Oh…right, how long has it been? Almost a year now?"_

_Lily stared at Ash, she was actually looking sympathetic. She was usually very hard to crack and very secure with her emotions, she was a hard cookie to open up. She didn't tell her secrets to anyone but Ava, Lily and Star. She didn't go near boys unless she thought they were good enough. She was an overall strong person, so seeing._

_Star sighed as she came down the hall, "This place is like a prison."_

"_One day, we'll escape and we'll come back to it and not see it as a prison, just see it as a place that once was what it was." Lily said twisting a piece of hair around her finger._

_Star leaned against her, "Lily you have such a way with words, it's almost scary."_

And there she was staring at them, totally different, why weren't they the same? Why weren't they feeling the way she did? Why did she have to miss so much? Why did she have to let go of James…twice? She felt the tears come on, strong.

She held on to Ava and just cried…cried for herself, cried for them, cried for Sirius, and cried for everyone and especially for James.

"I am not going to lie to you; I'm finding it hard to believe it's you." Ash said, her eyes already dripping with tears. "It can't be…you died, just like Star, just like everyone else."

"Star died?" Lily asked softly.

"Two years ago."

"I wouldn't bring her all the way here if I didn't know it was here." Sirius said darkly, standing off to the side.

"I don't know that." Ash said nastily to him.

"_You don't think you'd get tired of doing this? Just this, would you?" Lily asked him, as she played with his hand, feeling his side and then hers._

"_No. I would never get bored of being with you. I owe you so much." He said giving her a smile, kissing her softly on the lips. "I would miss seeing you smile—that smile."_

_She laughed, feeling herself blush._

"_You are too good for me, you know that? You are so beautiful and so sweet, and I'm just not someone for you." He said to her, holding up a smile, but said it so sadly._

"_You are perfect for me." She said smiling. "I need you."_

"_You need me like water in your lungs."_

_She stood up and pulled him up; she pulled him into a long kiss and gave him a large hug._

Why couldn't she see his face? All she saw was a blurred expression; it hurt her head to even think of who it might have been.

"So what's your name?" Ash questioned, harshly, interrupting her thoughts.

"Lily Evans." She replied softly. She felt herself grow angry. "How could you do this? Can you not see I'm confused as it is? I didn't come here to prove to you it's me, I came here thinking you had already accepted it's me and we could catch up. You were one of my best mates. You'd think you'd be excited to see me. But I forgot how much of an ice queen you once were." She picked up her coat and rubbed her eyes, "I have too much things to figure out. I don't need this right now."

"Wait—stay. Please." Ash cleared her throat. "I'm sorry."

Sirius chimed in, "I know a good joke-"

"We're not that drunk yet." Drawled Ava, laughing at her own joke. Lily let out a meek chuckle.

"So besides Star's death, what else have I missed?" She said softly, almost embarrassed.

"Well Annabelle's sick, we're pretty sure you're little ex-boyfriend Severus is a death-eater—and…"

"I dated Severus?" She said feeling herself blushed.

"Yes, that's why you broke it off with Remus, remember? It ended shortly before the attack—I remember James wanted to kick his arse the entire time you were together." Ava said smugly. "We never saw much of him afterwards, we actually heard he was dead for a while, then he appeared somehow in the profits and now rumors are he's a death eater. Everyone's disappeared from school, really. Ash is probably thought of as disappeared. James for sure is. Times have changed."

Lily couldn't get over it, Severus Snape?

"I almost forgot that…James blocked that out of his memory most likely." Sirius went on, still on the Severus Snape fling thing.

She felt a huge headache coming on, she pressed her fingers against her temple.

"Oh my god! Lily, you're bleeding sweetie!" Ava rushed over to her and held her head against some tissue. She felt her world…fade…fade…f…a…d…e...


	13. Times Changing

**Chapter Twelve Times Changing**

Ash leaned her head on Dominic's strong shoulder as she listened to Sirius and Ava carry on a muddled conversation at the small table. He look so different now; so different from the boy she once knew from school. He was a fallen man. It was his eyes that betrayed him. He was a man who had seen and experienced many things. Yet there was still a hidden fire veiled by two gray curtains.

Every time she unexpectedly caught those eyes her heart jumped a bit. It was quite confusing have him and Dominic in the same room together. She couldn't be sure if that jump was one of a friendship trying to be rekindled or something more.

Dom's hand on her leg brought Ash out of her thoughts. She looked up at him into his light smoke eyes. He was so like Sirius, in many more ways then in the flesh. With a soft smile, he lightly kissed her forehead. She smiled back at him.

Lily stirred from Ash and Dom's bed, mumbling something.

Ash jumped up, "Lily's waking," She stared at her eyelids flutter open exposing two very emerald eyes. She let an uncomfortable cough and gave her a weak smile, "Feeling better?"

She felt someone staring at her, the hair on her neck pricked slightly but she merely shook it off.

Dominic had his hand safely on her shoulder and she reached out to touch him. On the corner of her eyes, she could see Sirius look away. She almost felt...bad...

_No. Why are you going to feel bad? Did you forget what he did to you? This would be him if he wasn't the high-and-mighty domineering overweening bloke he was!_

"Oh god, I am so sorry," Lily managed weakly. "I didn't mean to get all weird on you guys, I usually start to feel this way when I'm trying hard to remember something."

"Don't feel embarrassed, I mean you just gave us a shock was all." Ava said, already warming up to her. Ash just kept her head high and her smile on.

"I'm Dominic, Ashtyns fiancé." He said giving Lily a broad smile, sticking out his hand warmly. He turned away and gave Ash an accusatory look, as if saying '_Can you be any ruder?_'

Ash stared nervously at the frail Lily on the bed, even she caught on. She darted her eyes from Sirius to Dominic and then smiled, a little smile that Ash used to see her make.

"Oh yes, sorry. My fiancé. Don't you love hearing it?" She said, nudging Dominic playfully.

Lily smiled graciously, "So last night, the last thing I remember hearing, was about Severus..."

Sirius made a coughing fit and stared deep into Ash, "I'm not sure that's something we can help you with."

Lily stared at him like he was an infectious bug, Ash gave him a bewildered look, "What?"

"What he means is," Ava said, walking around, thinking over her words. "Is that, we don't know the fine details. We're guessing that James knows the whole story but we doubt it, because he hardly liked to get involved with your love life, but the most we know is that you were with him for a long while and all of a sudden you weren't."

"All of a sudden?" Lily repeated, confused and frustrated.

"All of a sudden." Ava repeated, shooting Sirius and pained expression.

Lily felt as if every time she conquered an obstacle, another lied ahead. Making her life more complicated then it already had to be. She felt like a lab rat, every time she thought she caught the scent of the cheese she ran into a dead end.

She felt Ash's eyes on her and she looked up, "So James would know?"

Ash shrugged, not meeting her eyes, "If anyone knew, it'd be him. Like Ava said, we didn't know the finer details."

Sirius stopped his glaring at Dominic's hand on Ash's lower back enough to add, "If you want, I can bring him--"

"No, take me to James. It's about time, I give him a visit." Her voice sounded dark and dangerous.

* * *

"She should know," Ava hissed to them outside Lily's room. "It's her life; just because she gets hit in the head doesn't mean we could play with her life." 

"I'm just saying, maybe there's a reason she didn't remember in the first place," Ash snapped at her, she turned to Sirius for support, "Don't you think it would have came back to her if it was so important? And if it wasn't for your arse, she wouldn't have needed to know."

Ava sighed impatiently and stared into the pits of both of their eyes, "If I knew about the details of her relationship with Severus, without a doubt, I would rush in there and tell her everything. But as luck would have it, I don't. So there's basically nothing I could do but try to convince you Ash to do the right thing."

Ash's eyes turned into venomous slits, her fists balled until her knuckles turned white. She stepped forward and snapped nastily, "The only right thing to do in this situation is to just not mention this at all. You're right about thing though, Ava, you **don't **know the details so you don't know what you're risking to tell her. It's better off this way, trust me."

"I agree. I remember when they were together," Sirius said in a very low pensive voice. "It was like he had a hold on her, it wasn't healthy and what if she goes back to him? There's something not right about ol' Snivelly. There never has been."

"I'll drink to that." Ash agreed, putting her hand on his shoulder and then quickly removed it when she realized what she was doing. She felt her face blush; maybe people were right when they said old feelings never died...but maybe she was mistaking memories for feelings? Maybe the rush of everything was making her feel this way.

Ava gave up her hands exasperated, "I give up with you two. But this isn't the end. I'm taking her to James."

Sirius put her hand on her shoulder, "Think about what you're doing, before you do anything foolish."

"Ha--what are you doing giving that advice?" Ava scoffed, shaking his hand off. "If there was anything that had hypocrisy written all over it--that sentence would be it. Maybe you should follow your own advice before you start preaching it."

Sirius and Ash watched her storm into Lily's room, without a glance back. Ash started to feel very aware of her surroundings; she felt the heat of his skin radiate close to hers. She realized that Dominic went out to get something to eat and that he might be back any moment.

Sirius sighed and leaned against the wall; he shook his hair and ran a hand through it smoothly. He still had that boyish charm that did him so well during school.

Typical Sirius Black, always getting her blood boiling without even saying anything.

"So, these are some interesting turn of events." Sirius scoffed and then added a smirk. Ash let out a weak chuckle. "Like a couple of weeks ago, she was just a girl who worked for me and now she's Lily?"

"Funny, how some things turn out to be bigger then they seem." Ash replied smoothly.

He nodded at her words, "So, wedding plans coming along nicely?"

She nodded uncomfortably, this wasn't her ideal conversation she wanted to have with a man she used to have an intimate relationship with. "Date is set, arrangements made...just have to finish passing out some last minute invitations." She started to scrimmage through her purse and finally pulled out a heavy parchment envelope with gold embroidered on top and gold letters that read '_Mr. Sirius Black, AKA Padfoot.' _She passed it to him, blushing a deep crimson.

He looked at it and gave it a laugh; he stared at the letter like it was a piece of stone... He couldn't believe it... What happened to the days he used to have back at Hogwarts? When he could lie in bed with Ash all day, be with his mates, not have to worry about rent or dying because of the Dark Lord...without a care in the world? When he could play quidditch all day long, know that everyone was safe and call Ash his?

Those days were gone forever; he might as well just let 'em go but...

"What's up mate? Kind of lost you there for a second." Ash let out a nervous laugh.

"Huh? Oh, yah, well... I was just thinking of some stuff." He grinned at her, and looked away. "You know, school memories and all."

She laughed, "Thinking of me, are you?" She blushed immediately as the words escaped her mouth.

Sirius wasn't going to let her be ashamed to talk about them so he stared, "Actually yes, I was. I can still see you, your brown skin shining in the sun. You have your hair combed back. Sunglasses on."

Ash let out a laugh, "I still have those you know, and the sunglasses you gave me. The big ones that cover my eyes completely...yah, still have them. But sadly, no longer brown, now I am a tad bit pale."

"A tad bit? Ash, you need to reintroduce yourself to a little thing called sunlight. And have you eaten anything in the past four hundred months? You're skinnier then my little finger."

Ash shoved him and was about to reply.

"Ashtyn, we have to go—we have to still do some things." Dominic's voice rang through her ears, kind of like a wake up call to reality. This wasn't Hogwarts anymore. He wrapped a hand nurturingly around her neck and gave her a big kiss on the lips, her whole body tingled with emotions. She stared deeply into his eyes and searched for something that made him different then Sirius, something she can call her own and hold on to it incase she did anything...she'd regret.

"Okay babe, let me say good bye." She turned to face a crest-fallen Sirius. "I have to go love," She reached for his hand. "Take care, will you? Keep out of trouble. I'll see you when I see you." She gave him a kiss on the kiss like some people do when they're being introduced. "Bye, tell them I said so too."

She grabbed hold of her fiancé and walked away from her past, slowly but surely without looking back no matter how much it killed her not to.

* * *

Lily nervously stormed through James front door with Ava closely tagging along behind her, this moment was triggering a memory Lily had of her and Ava storming in the boys common room to yell at Remus. 

She found James in his living room placidly making himself a potion while listening to his radio.

His eyes widened when he caught Lily's. His mouth started to feel sultry; he cleared his throat to try to make out words but nothing.

"Hello to you too, James," Lily said dangerously to him, her eyes were like two bowls of green flames yet her face was expressionless. "I know I must have shocked you a bit with my unexpected visit, but there was no time you use to the telly." She motioned at the muggle machine next to his kitchen. "I was just wondering if you can help me with a few minor details of past that I can't remember, but you being my best friend at the time, would know, wouldn't you?"

James, taken aback by the sheer arbitrariness of the question, became hesitant in answering. He nodded his head slowly.

"Very well," Her eyes brightened. "Ava has mentioned to me a few things about me that I wasn't aware of and when they were brought up with Ash and Sirius, they told me that if anyone knew it'd be you."

James cleared his throat and smiled at her.

Lily gave him a small smile back and edged near her, "You'd tell me if you knew, right?"

James nodded, "I'd try my best."

"Great, great, great. So how about telling me how my relationship with Severus ended?" Her eyes turned into slits and her expression toughened.

James eyes widened but he remained still, "I'm sorry, I can't say I know anything about that."

"What?" She spat. "You were my best friend!"

He nodded in agreement, "But I refused to ask questions about that, I just knew that it began and ended." He then furrowed his eyebrows, "Did you say that Ash told you she didn't know?" She nodded, devastated by his answer. "That's complete rubbish. She counseled you throughout the end. He left you for some plain as the nose on your face reason and she knows it, she was with you the entire night you cried." His tone was dead and pungent.

Lily sighed, "How was I when I was with him?"

He licked his lips and closed his eyes as he answered with sullenness, "Happy."

She scoffed, "That must have been a good feeling."

Ava felt ill at ease standing there so she apparated without saying a goodbye.

"I forgot how much of a coward she was."

James nudged her, "Don't feel so blue, I'll help you figure everything out. This is just another obstacle, one more." She looked up at him and smiled, an obstacle--that's exactly how she had described it. She kissed his cheek and watched him blush. He tried kissing her on the lips but she pulled away.

"I'm not sure how I feel about you for you to be kissing me that way again, last time, I let my feelings get the best of me and I won't let that happen again." Lily said with a hand on his knee. "And besides, you didn't bother writing me or anything. What did you think I was? A scarlet woman?" She fumed.

James smiled shamefacedly at her, "You're right, I'm sorry. No excuse can make up for it except for the fact that I'm a coward."

Lily stared at him skeptically, "That doesn't sound like a James Potter answer to me."

"Well, missy, times changing." He scoffed at her.

She sighed, "Yes it is."

* * *

**A/N- Twist in the plot. No James and Lily yet? Nope, not yet. Would you all of a sudden get in a relationship when you just figured out who you were? No, I don't think so.---An idea, whatever ever happened to Heather--Flowers best friend--next chapter. More Severus in the next chapter. Remus next chapter too. Ashs weddings coming up.**

**If you notice "Boys of Summer" quote somewhere in the chappy.**

**NO FLAMING. constructive crticism.**


	14. The Ministry of Magic

**Chapter Thirteen**

He stared out his window, staring at the park not far from his flat. Lately he had felt someone staring at him from afar and his eyes always went to the park. He brushed it off because he was usually very paranoid and he couldn't make himself look so stressed in front of Lily, she would think that her visit was causing him stress.

He heard her steps charging through the stairs, so he backed away from the window and started pretending like he was tending to his bed.

She walked in, without knocking. Her hair was back to her ginger red. He had to help her all night come up with a way to get it back to the way it was before.

"What's up?" He started, trying to sound like he had just gotten finished working on something very important. "Something I could help you with, eh?"

She was oblivious to his little act and started walking to the window and stared out, "I thought maybe we should go out today, I need to get out and clear my head."

He leaned against the wall; maybe he should stop acting so casual? He stuck his hand in his pocket languidly and replied in a mono-tone, "What'd you have in mind?"

"Well, first I wanted to go the shops and then maybe the park?" She sat on the corner of his bed, her hands folded neatly over her legs.

_Did she feel it too?_

"Oh well. That's fine; I just thought maybe we could go see Ash and them?"

"James, please," She sighed impatiently. "That last thing I need right now, is to find out anything shocking that I didn't know or get in a heated conversation with her. Not right now, maybe in a couple of days, okay?"

He looked out the window at the park; he had a bad feeling about this. He said nothing, mentioned nothing; he just stood still nodding at her.

She suddenly flashed a muggle camera, with a huge grin on her face, and snapped a picture of him.

"Watch it, eh?" He said, recovering and rubbing his eyes from the flash. "What is that?"

"A camera, dummy; what else does it look like?" She playfully shoved him. "I've always loved taking pictures, so I thought I should catch up on it, don't you think?"

He shrugged, "I guess."

"You're strange today, really strange," She walked passed him and left without closing the doors. He gave another glance at the park and apparated away.

"James, what are you doing here?" Sirius said, holding a tray full of food half way up the stairs.

He shrugged again, "Visiting; thought we'd have a chat."

"Yeah? Okay, let me give this to your mum and then we'll have that..._chat_," He smirked as if that remark had been humorous.

He watched him enter his mum's room; he heard whispers that included his name. He took off his coat and hung it by the door. He took a look around the house; the house he lived while growing up. It was a lot dustier since his mum didn't do the cleaning anymore. The ebony walls spoke out to him, making him follow the beautiful ancient craftwork with his eyes. His eyes traced over the cobwebs that were sprouting over by the corner.

He walked over to the couches, and took a seat. Ava walked out of the kitchen, toast happily in her mouth while humming. She met his eyes and smiled widely. "How're ya'?" She muffled.

He smirked, "Good. You know it helps to talk without the food in your mouth."

"Ha-ha James, very funny." She rolled her eyes, taking the piece of toast and taking another bite in a hurry. "I would stay and talk; but I have work. Maybe you'll be here when I get back?" Her smile was glowed widely, as if pleading him to stay.

"Doubt it; I'm coming back next weekend with Lily, though." He announced to her with a grin. It felt nice saying her name. His stomach puffed up with pride he hasn't felt in a while.

Her smile faltered, "Ash and Dominic are coming by as well."

He glared at her, narrowing his eyes into tiny slits, he felt his mouth twitch, "So?"

"Nothing, James, nothing." She put on her pea coat that was like a deep ink green and the scarf that was a very light brown. It had a nice color contrast. "See you then; oh yeah; by the way, Remus is trying to get in touch with you."  
He nodded; he was still rather resented with him for never contacting him when he thought he found Lily. Then for falling for her the day James was actually here in town.

Finally he heard Sirius skipping down the stairs, whistling, merrily.

"Now, for that_ chat_," He smirked again, teeth showing. It made him look rather boyish again. "It just makes me think, damn, we must be old if we're using the words like _chat_."

"Bloody wanker." James scoffed and then let out a chuckle.

"How's it like with Lily living in your house?" He blurted out hastily, dying to know. James wondered if he was just trying to get the right moment to ask.

James smirked, "Oh, you know." He started to feel young again, like he was a school boy again; bragging to his friends, bending the truth just a bit to make things interesting.

Sirius' eyed widened, "Don't be a tosser, mate; details! Have you guys...?" His eyebrows wiggled a bit.

James smirked and winked at him; Sirius eyes widened even more then he decided to cut him off, "Nah we didn't. Get your mind out of the gutters mate. She sleeps in the extra room Marie set up, nice to know it was finally good for something, right?"

Sirius became more relaxed and his voice hushed, "Have you heard from **her?**"

He shook his head, "I think she's disappeared, to tell you the truth. She did leave with scary last words."

"Pch and she called _you_ crazy."

"Ha, yeah..." He swallowed; he really didn't feel like talking about her. Although, he didn't mind thinking of her, he wondered where she was.

"Well mate, this has got to be something odd, don't you think? Lily, living with you now after all these years and you haven't even made the _moves _yet." He moved with hands with his words for emphasize.

James shook his head, "Its' a mutual understanding, we're both not ready for anything right now and the other day was just a fleeting moment that we're not going to redo."

"For a while eh?" He wiggled his eyebrows again.

"It's not like that," James said, trying to sound serious but a smirk still made its way to his face. "Shut up Padfoot."

"Since you're here, I might as well bring it up," Sirius said shifting his weight and running a hand through his naturally combed hair James always found himself jealous of. "Remus-"

"Wants to talk to me?" James asked in his skeptic voice, he clucked his tongue and added an eye roll of emphasis.

Sirius arched his eyebrow, "Yeah...how'd you guess?"

"I didn't, Ava told me when you were upstairs."

"She's another person whose been acting...rather, _odd_," He looked at James, seeing if he had anything to add or maybe even agree with him but when he saw that James stayed expressionless he continued, "Or maybe it's just me."

"Maybe---any who, about Remus?"

"Oh, he's been rather down lately. Annabelle got sick last week and slept for three days. He feels really bad James, but don't you think it's about time you let that go? He didn't mean it."

"Since when did you become so bloody sentimental, eh Padfoot? I remember the time when we left Snivellus in the room with Remus and you told me to--what was the word? Oh yes, 'leave the bugger' were your exact words." James took a few steps, adjusting his glasses.

Sirius couldn't hide the smirk that creped upon his face, but then he shook it off and responded, "That is a completely different situation. _That _was bloody Snivelly and this is Moony, our friend. And you know exactly why we should have left the bugger--I mean now look what he's done--"

"Enough, I get the point." He hissed, trying his best not to remember or think of that time in his life. "I'll tell you what--tell Remus to owl me and maybe I'll respond. That's the best of a response you're going to get. And if that's not good enough for you then, Padfoot, you can kiss **both **sides of my arse." And with that, he apparated and smiled with glee at his wonderful dramatic exit.

"I am tired of you always disappearing on me! Are we going or what?" Lily said, her hands were at her waist and her brows were furrowed and her face was contorted in a frustrated expression.

He mused at the fact that he was comparing her scolding to his mother although he would never say those words out loud, not because he was ashamed of his mother in any way but he knew girls didn't want to hear those kinds of things.

"So where are we heading?" He started, smirking at her for no reason.

"The shops; gypsies are in town--me and Heather used to go to this annually. Gypsies set up tents and they sell you like these foreign magic crafts but you have to be careful, they're sneaky little buggers." She pulled her ginger hair in this high pony tail that made his blood boil.

His eyebrow arched up and replied dismissively, "Alright, stuff cheap?"

She smirked and added playfully, "That's you James, always pinching pennies." She shoved him and said with disdain, "I think we're going to have to take the train, though." Her eyes had a far away gaze and he could tell that she would have preferred it any other way. He pretended he didn't notice and went for his coat and wand.

"Do you ever wonder how life would have been if that incident never would of happened?" Lily asked him suddenly, her eyes grew round and curious.

He did wonder about that, a lot more then he would like to admit. He had the warnings from the Ministry to prove it.

"Life would have been different, no doubt." He swallowed his throat scratchy and knotted.

"Do you think I would have been with Severus still?" She asked, not meeting his eyes this time.

He swallowed harder, this time with less patience, "You broke it off with him a few days before the accident…but maybe…maybe not."

"But what do you think?" She met his eyes this time, and they pleaded him for details, for answers---for things he couldn't give to her or hand in a platter.

He shook his head, "I don't know what would have happened…I've asked this question to several psychiatrists and I've heard the same answer, many a time, 'its better not to dwell with unanswered questions, they only open a jar of more questions.'" He thought this would satisfy her but it didn't. She frowned and continued to nervously peck at her pants, trying with all her might to not look out the window.

"_Will Mr. James R. Potter rise to the stand?" Boomed the voice of Cornelius Fudge over the sound of flash photography and many whispers._

"_A boy no older then eighteen, with jet-black hair and big hazel brown eyes filled with shame stands forward towards the Minister," Wrote a young blonde journalist on her scrap of parchment. "You can feel the disappointment of his peers radiate through the crowd. Friends Sirius Black, son of the infamous Sire Black himself, is in the crowds standing by his friend in his time of need. Although, some would say maybe the influence of his close friends lead Mr. Potter to feel as if this was the only choice he had. Maybe, if it's safe to say, that Mr. Potter is a victim in this crime?"_

_The boy shifted his weight uncomfortably as the Minister made him take his oath. _

"_James, do you plead guilty to the charges presented and accused upon you? Charges and accusations that include 'abuse of an illegal substance to change a form in time.' What do you have to say in edgewise? How do you feel about putting your family in jeo--"_

"_Mr. Potter has a statement," Informed a man with a messy, un-kept beard around his wholesome aged face. _

_Cornelius Fudge frowned and with an annoyed voice snapped, "On with it."_

_The boy stood up carefully and gave his lawyer a lingering look. "I have been called many things in the paper, many that are not very complimentary. I have been called lazy, undomesticated, uncultivated, a bastard of sorts, a head case and not to mention— an attention seeking radical, which is the only one I take much pride to hearing. But what upsets me is that you claim to know a story that no one but I and Professor Dumbledore know about. You have called me a liar and a thief in the papers. You claim that I wasn't using the time turner for good and that I was using it to hurt myself and others, did you not?Why don't you tell the truth for once, why don't you tell everyone how you lent me the time-turner so that I could support the law that you were trying to get much attention to. And once you saw that I wasn't helping you much you sought it out to ruin my and my families name--"_

_Reporters went wild with their quills at hand while photographers couldn't keep themselves from snapping their cameras._

_Cornelius Fudge rose and said in a louder, more affirmative voice, "You are not here to make a speech, Mr. Potter. You are here to be punished for your ruthless actions."_

"_I would hardly call them ruthless, sir." He added, flushed from all the flash photography around him. "If they were so ruthless, I don't see why you had to give me the permission in the first place."_

_"Mr. Potter, you are facing five years of Azkaban if you are found guilty of this charge and you are still finding time to make a mockery of the case at hand?"_

_"Oh I am taking this very seriously, that is why I have my lists of witnesses with me. Professor Albus Dumbledore, Miss Ashtyn Harris andMr. Sirius Black."_

_"You think, you are the only one with a plan, Mr. Potter? I call my witness to thefront, Mr. SeverusSnape."_

"James, you're so quiet. It's unnerving." Lily said suddenly, breaking into his thoughts.

James looked up at her, "We have a better place to be, come on. You have questions still, right? I know the person who'll have the answers. Grab my hand."

Dumbledore took off his half-moon glasses and stared at the couple of early aged adults standing in front of him, "James, it's about time you decided to come."

**A/N: About time I know. But, I just wanted to take my time with this chapter for it's details. This chapter is basically, James dealing with being around Lily so much and that maybe it wasn't such a gift having her back after all since she doesn't seem that interested in anything else but her past and her future. Next Chapter: Dumbledore explains why that had to happen to Lily and how Severus plays a role in their past, future and present.**


	15. Beating Hearts, True Confessions

**Chapter Fourteen Beating Hearts, True Confessions**

The ginger haired woman stared deep into the spectacles of the brilliantly dressed man sitting across from her. She shifted her weight uncomfortably as he stared back at her; she could tell that he must have been thinking about a million things because that was the way her face went when she was deep in thought. She looked at James with an accusatory glance; had he been planning this meeting? Did he wish to show off her faults like an animal at the circus or zoo? _Whatever, _she thought.

James looked away, not meeting her eyes; she felt betrayed and hurt. _To think…_ That didn't matter anymore, what mattered was what this man thought. She tried hard to remember him…Dumble-window? Dumble-deer? She recognized him too, his mystical voice made her head go dizzy and her face red from frustration. His eyes took her into a whirl of memories and even more unanswered questions.

"Lily, Miss Evans, people have been worried about you," He smiled at her, his eyes twinkling with mischief. He oddly reminded her of a child—of course the beard diminished the thought. "It is alright if you can't remember me, don't strain. I was the head of your school, well I still am but you don't go there anymore. Ha, I believe I'm getting tongue-tied, but so far do you understand? Okay good, well our school was under attack. Voldemort was using great powers to bring down the school, unspeakable things of course but one can assume. Grave things were happening; horrible things were happening. Soon even the professors were turning against each other. It was not one of the highlights of Hogwarts History."

Lily knew little about the story, it hurt to remember but she had to try. She remembered James…he saved her, didn't he? She remembered how secure she felt with her hand pressed against his, locked, for safety. She felt like a foolish girl remembering that, she felt her face flush as soon as she looked down at her hands.

"Sir, I appreciate this and everything, but these are all parts I know and somewhat remember. You, if you are so great and powerful, why couldn't you just pick me up from the floor and gain some responsibility and let everyone know I was okay?" Lily asked boldly. To be frank, she wasn't very appreciative towards Professor Dumbledore, she scarcely remembered him and he never helped her when he could.

James felt a jolt of guilt, he never told Lily that Professor Dumbledore knew where she had been and never once told anybody.

Professor Dumbledore's face remained expressionless but you could see in his eyes that he was amused by her, "You weren't there anymore."

James was suddenly very interested in the story that would explain all his failed attempts at saving her when he had the time turner but where did she go.

"After it happened, I heard cries from people, I made my way as fast as I could but it was too late, you weren't there. I didn't pay much attention to it afterwards although it stayed put in my mind; I figured someone must have summoned you. Until I heard that a Lily Evans never checked in the train. I saw James at the station," His expression was very momentous and grim at this point. His rich voice was now a deep low.

"Something didn't seem right. Severus Snape had his hands on his face but he wasn't crying—he seemed confused about somewhat. He later consoled me that everything was going to be alright. I started sending out papers. People. Even looked myself. I later heard that someone checked in a ginger haired girl at Mungos Hospital with a strange form of amnesia. But what tugged at my brain was that they didn't think it came from a head injury, they were speaking of craft and spells. I had them hushed to secrecy. Someone had a plan for you Miss Evans and my inquisitiveness was dying to inquire about where it would take you. You were in fates hand, I watched you, trying to reason any strange things that happened around you. At the same time, James was facing trials at court—accusations and warrants were being represented so I knew something was not right. I frequently wondered what made of the rest of your lot and nothing good was happening to none of you. Ava was accused of using an unforgivable curse at her job, causing her to lose it, Star's death was brought by a death eater, Annabelle grew sick, Peter's another story entirely—danger has been in your path since the moment all of you left Hogwarts. You were no longer safe."

James hand tightened around his armrests, his knuckles turned white. Lily took notice and put her hand over his in an unfussy way.

"What tugged at my beard was that Severus seemed to disappear and reappear every once in a while. Every time with some new personality change; it seemed to me he was changing—to something we're not ready for. Appeared at your hearing, did he? Tried to cause you harm, did he? I wouldn't call that a coincidence but one must not throw accusations and assumptions in the air. So the noble side of me stayed quiet but my other side longed to follow him, to keep him close to know of his doings. A year and a half had passed and you, Miss Evans, were slowly crawling out of the cacoon you were in. I had to get you as far away from there as possible, but let me tell you, I needed little magic with that since you were already desperate to leave. You seemed fine when I first saw you, a little lonely and sad, not the witch I was used to seeing with all this confidence. No, a change had happened in everything."

"In your school years, you and Severus had what seemed a harmless relationship. You glowed around him and everything seemed alright for the most part. He had a deep love for you Miss Evans; a love so deep could make a man lose himself. This is all, out of my assumption and little evidence had guided me to believe this. It was clear to all his affection for you. He was lost in you as you with him but he depended on you, like air. And just one day he stopped seeing you, he stopped speaking to you—from what I hear and just couldn't handle being with you. When you keep a fire on for a long time, it can either burn out or burn up. Something burned in Severus Snape's mind that night, causing him to leave what mattered to him the most. Some say he would mutter things in his sleep. My guess is that wherever you are, he's nearby for he was never able to part with you in his mind and to keep you away from James, he didn't tell the hospital that you were Lily just made it seem like he found some poor girl on the street. I don't know how he got you over to the hospital. He found the opportunity and fought for it."

Lily's lips tightened and felt somewhat lightheaded, "I-I-I don't know what to say, sir. All this is too much for me. I can honestly say, I wish with all my heart that I had the smarts not to believe you but I can't help it."

James, by this point, couldn't handle it. He stood up abruptly and took a few steps back, "Lily—I don't know what to say but, I can't be here anymore. Excuse me sir, goodbye." He stormed out of the room without hesitation.

"That was very dramatic," fumed Lily her eyes darkening a sudden. "Actually, more like cowardly. I hope he doesn't expect me to follow him because he's bloody insane." She didn't mean it but she had to lash her anger at someone.

* * *

Sirius sat there, alone in his oversized manor, well there was Ms. Potter but…he still felt alone. He needed a woman. Warmth or a touch would make his nerves go into a wreck. Maybe if he just went out for a while he could meet someone and lead his thoughts away… He took a sudden drag from the fag he been smoking. He knew he couldn't forget her or keep his mind off her so why try. Sure, she didn't love him and he didn't love her but that didn't stop him in the past. Okay, that was a lie, he loved her. He truly, positively adored that girl but he was almost positive that she hated him. She had a good reason, he was a bloody dumbarse to keep around and never treated her the way she should have been but he was in grade school! He was a boy, what did he know about treating a woman? At the time, nothing. Now, well, he thought, still nothing but still a little bit more than he did before. 

He took another hesitant drag. He released the air, hoping it would make a strange form so he would have something else to think about.

"Smoking kills, you know."

"Hi Ava," He said handing her a fag. "How was your day?"

Her smile flinched but she remained high spirited, "I've had better, I admit."

"Feel like..?

"Nah."

"You sure?"

"Yup."

"Good, I suck at advice giving."

"Well, actually…" She started, heaving a sigh.

"Are we really going to do this…?" He said, putting out a fag and lighting another one.

"You're right never mind, but have you ever felt guilty for hating someone who's making your friend happy?"

He glanced at her, maybe she understood what he felt, "No, I can't say I have."

She gave him a bewildered look, "Really? Oh, I feel lame now for even bringing it up but you're one hundred percent okay with Ash and her wedding?"

He smirked at her; she had such an immature heart without harm. How he loathed her. "We had a good run, but do you really expect me to force her to be with me? I am not that guy. Besides, I'm not going to chase after someone who has made up their mind about me. _I am not that guy._"

Ava's eyes grew wide with admiration, or what he assumed was admiration or maybe it was envy. He couldn't tell.

He rolled his eyes at her, moments like these made him bitter.

What if he was that guy that he read in stories? The guy that stood up at weddings to declare his love? The guy that wrote poems and ran across the country to tell the girl he loved her? He wasn't that bloke, he couldn't even try.

* * *

Lily couldn't speak to anyone as she walked down the streets of France. Her lungs were frozen stiff, her heart was broken in two and she had the biggest headache of all. How could James just sit there? 

How could he leave? She was ashamed at herself, she lost herself. She wasn't going to stop being who she was; she was going to be the girl that she used to be. The girl that smiled laughed and was happy. The girl that James knew; not this gloomy, confused girl that brought everyone down. She knew who she was where she came from—now she had to just put the pieces together and get her life straight.

But what she wanted more then anything was to find Severus just to spit in his face and ask what was so wrong with him that he had to take her life off her hands.

She was blocks away from James flat, she didn't know whether to stay put, run inside from the cold or turn back and go off to a new place and start a new life. The last part was a bit impulsive but it wouldn't hurt to forget her old life.

She had a productive talk with Professor Dumbledore, not a good one, a productive one. It helped her put things into perspective.

She finally reached the bench where James usually went to go think at, she stared at it questionably. It was an odd bench…silver with a gleam, even at night. She reached out her hand to touch it, just a little touch—maybe she would see what James saw in it.

Her hand was hesitant as—

"Lily!" She jerked her hand away, like it had been struck with lightning. She looked around to find the person who called her name.

Of course, she thought, James.

He stood outside his flat, hands in pockets, waiting for her to inch closer so he could say—or do—something. He looked tired and weak in his flannel shirt, which was opened just a little bit to reveal his smooth chest. He tilted his head to the side and gave her a weak smile. His messy hair was more in disarray than it usually was. He was in jeans and socks.

She heaved a sigh and made her way towards him. He wouldn't meet her eyes.

"Come on," She said to him, just those two simple words. _Come on._ He looked at her bewildered and took a step forward. She moved her head back to show him to come towards her.

He did, but he didn't stand by her, he started to bury his head into her neck, hugging her. She held him there, not knowing what to do—he didn't move. She felt her neck get wet, from his tears. They weren't exaggerated sobs—just little tears that glittered apologetically.

She put her hand on his neck where she could feel his heart—_boom boom_—in synchronized beats as hers…

She finally took his hand in hers, and led him inside.

He patiently waited for her in his bed, just staring at her. No, they hadn't done anything. She was making him soup. It had been an hour since they had come back from outside.

"Here you go, eat it when you're ready." She smiled meekly and turned around to go back to bed.

"Lily—will you stay with me tonight?" His face was a bright pink as he asked her. She hesitantly nodded her head.

She lay next to him, not opening her eyes…she was scared that if she opened her eyes, it wouldn't be real.

She felt his hand reach from hers…he placed it on his heart and kept his other hand on hers. Feeling their hearts beat harmonized.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Long time, I know. I plan to wrap this up with three more chapters. Three. Long. Chapters. Constructive Criticism. NO FLAMING.**


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